So does your leg always twitch violently when someone plays with your clitoris? Or has my ten years of piano playing finally paid off?
a pedometer??? no beatles?Steve jobs just took a dump in CA and it landed on my heart
He had a huge mole on his dick. Genetics has cockblocked him for life.
it's kind of nice to have a picture of me making out with someone and actually know who it is for once
I've never had a woman show me her venereal disease results in a bar before.
all i remember is stealing his cheesepuffs and shaving my vagina in the hotel lobby
Do you remember calling me a cuntasaurus rex last night?
I tried to tell her I've only slept with 3 other people...she then named off 5 of her sorority sisters I fucked and asked me if she should continue
Was the first guy that bit your neck last night wearing a trenchcoat...I have a vague memory.
we told the drug dealer that our car was dead and we needed a jump so he would bring the drugs to us...
Dude. I've been high for so many hours now that I'm just accepting this as my new reality.
Judging by his bulge. This guy is going home with me. Who doesn't want a dick that looks like it used to be a pillar in Rome.
He told me was "pretty like the wife in some movie where the husband is a cheater." I think I'm gonna fuck him.
I walked over and you were apologizing to him because you're lady gaga and he's not. The best part was that he forgave you.
Yeah. We're taking this fuck buddy relationship to the next level. Sober weekday sex.
Randomize
