so im in the parking lot of taco bell eating a taco...and some girl just got out of a car and screamed at the top of her lungs "XANEX FOR SALE!!!!" i fucking love Hamilton.
its a sex-hate relationship...no love involved
just bailed mom out of jail. Tell me i'm not the favorite child
Nope it's him. He's whispering to himself and buying asparagus.
Well after last night it's official...I cannot die...it time to use this power for good instead of handle contests
studying for my Anatomy final and masturbating to Japanese porn are practically the same thing
my night ended with a pity blow in a racecar bed
First thing on my "to do" list- get sober for community service.
I will accept it in the form of tooth necklace but if you have better ideas I am open to suggestions.
Just saw a guy I fucked in a clown suit in the bar. It's not Halloween. I have got to start making better life decisions.
Hooker in the library. I repeat, we have a hooker in the library. This is not a drill.
I guess I'm open to more types of dick now
I'm cooling my balls with a beer because I'm too cheap to turn on the AC
I'm dying of laughter, but I'm also just dying
Send help
Just woke up with the taste of tequila, weed, and cigarettes in my mouth spooning a friend I haven't seen since college wearing one contact and one ankle sock. I hate myself.
Randomize
