'Watching yourself cry on Photobooth' is the new 'watching yourself cry in the mirror.'
I wish all the girls i wanted to sleep with knew how big my dick was then id have a better chance
I've seriously contemplated telling him the baby isn't his just so I can meet Maury Povich
He considered it romantic when he told me mid-blow job that no matter what happens, he will "never forget how good of a dick I suck". Verbatim.
Might just stay in and drink cuz of the hurricane. Yea I think Wisconsin might be safe but its a good reason to drink.
She was eating whipped cream out of a plunger at 3 am in the morning. Yet somehow she still had an elegance about her.
I don't think it's considwred fine dining when you're passing out at golden palace in chinatown at 4 am with you boss who happens to be wearing a dress.
Ugh I miss culture and lesbians already
He's the only guy without a tacky accent I've seen in this southern dump in 6 months. Bangage was inevitable.
You're such a Yankee.
Had a burrito last night in your honor
That's the nicest thing you've ever done
He won a jackpot and invited his ex girlfriend over to have sex on 5grand
we're in NC now and so far we've smoked a blunt in every state with the exception of Tennessee which we accidentally went to
Everyone thinks I'm sleeping but I'm actually just melting.
I swear to god if you keep eating my cats food drunk I am going to kick you out of our apartment.
Just waxed 95% of the hair off my vag. If he doesn't enjoy this tonight, you will, whether you like it or not.
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