I can't find my pants or my car
I didn't even hookup I think I took them off at taco bell...
ha omg I always lose my dignity at taco bell as well... so no big deal.
If you text me again I will gut all of your stuffed animals.
i think guys can sense when i'm not wearing underwear
either she doesn't know how to dress properly on a sunday morning stroll, or I just saw a 60 year old on a walk of shame
is it normal that we went to that class once and both got 100's on the final? ohhhh, arizona state.
he aimed his bare ass at the sparkler, farted, and it really did work...i love 4th of july anal fire works
Hey man your outta milk
How the hell do you keep getting in my apartment?!
he made me scream out "#24" while we fucked...no more football players
Hurry up and get here. I already announced to the bar that you were on a mission to get laid tonight. I have 3 takers.
She just had to change the song on the radio cause I was tap dancing on her windshield
Best part of being a cop: When I showed up at Thanksgiving with stitches in my head I could tell them I was "protecting and serving" not "drinking and falling down". Career validated.
I feel that the drunker I get, the drunker Facebook gets.
Bitch, it's 2 in the afternoon.
It's always great when the guy I get pills from sends me an email that says "I know you will get clean it's going to be hard but I know you can do it"
I didn't think it was possible but he dislocated his thumb during intercourse last night then cried
My entire grocery store purchase consisted of Little Debbie snacks and Budweiser
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