Did you go home with that guy without me?
Sorry boo - it's pouring and I found a boy with a car
as for my dating sex life, no more regret sticks. Only pride wands from now on.
between my moustache and how drunk I am it will be a miracle if I get laid tonight.
I feel like I'm a marionette being lifted around. Four Loko.
She's pathetic and vulnerable..and short. Thats his type.
That's cool. At least the punch line of my story isn't I shit in a booth at Denny's.
Some clips from last night: grinded like I haven't since college. Took shots with a bartender with a bad ass mustache. Made up a string of lies with fake names and occupations. Slept behind the couch with pizza in my hand
He's in a nude suit, bald, with a pink headband and a black sharpie streak down his forehead.
My suggestion is that you just get high and set shit on fire
I almost had to fight a bird, and you know how scared I am of birds. It found that Percocet that I lost in the grass last week, I threw out my back when I launched myself at that little fucker.
What am I supposed to say? "Hi new uncle in law once I tried cocaine in Mexico and every once in a while i motorboat strangers. so happy to be a part of your family"
Yes I am wallowing. There is a significant lack of cookie dough
This German chick looked me up and down for a while. Then she grabbed my crotch, let go after a few seconds, and said "you vill do". I think I'm gonna like tonight.
Um that's okay I got up on the table at IHOP and terrorized the entire restaurant for a phone charger after I stole the whip cream from the kitchen and started eating it out the can
so on the street and some kid is chanting "cheeseburger, cheeseburger, cheeseburger!" while pumping his fist in the air. i agree.
Randomize
