He yelled GOOOOAAAALLL when he came.
Do you know how hard it is to masturbate with a runny nose?
Can you get arrested or in trouble for punching a dead relative in a casket?
Apparently we had sex last night, and then I made him drive me to the beach so I could puke in the ocean.
something had to give and with her weight the coffee table never stood a chance
Would you get mad if I held a "how many dick pics can you get in one night" competition with my friend?
You text him a porn site address and said GOODBYE ... I think he got the hint
I think the universe has a conglomeration of sentences reserved only for me.
Nope I went the fuck home like an adult
I would steal a car if I knew it had wheat thins in it
is it necessary to steal the whole car?
I'm high, watching "Scream" and eating a grilled cheese sandwich off my boobs. I'm not going anywhere
Come on, clusterfuck. Put on a pushup bra and get your fine ass to the bar, or you will be a sad single stoner forever
dude I don't even care if I'm getting catfished the point is I'm going to get laid. hot bitch, fat bitch, skanky bitch, i don't care my penis is having an adventure tonight regardless
HIS DICK IS SO AWESOME DUDE. 15/10 SURPRISE
Is it acceptable to respond to a declaration of love with 'and I love your dick'? Asking for a friend who shares a name and possibly a phone number with me. Entirely coincidental.
Grandma had me open the boxes that were delivered today. She got a sex swing, I've settled on "You go girl" as my official reaction.
Randomize
