i miss vodka and anonymity. college is so rich in both. in college we are a many armed creature, lubricated with beer and sex.
dude smells like cheese burgers and loose women...... i want his life
T-minus about 54 seconds until I am too high to speak English.
I'm jealous
My throat feels like a candle.
i am about to cut my stepbrother's hair into a mohawk with the same clippers i use to trim my pubes. god is so on my side today.
Listening to my boss get blown in the next room by a male bartender from the gay bar. And watching pawnstars. Tell me I'm not the best wingman ever.
I forgot that I thought it would be a good idea to hairspray my toilet seat last night after I took 12 shots of vodka so when I just went to pee, I stuck to the toilet. Never drinking again.
I just want to let it be known that I almost put my phone in the fridge.
if I open my eyes, my head will explode. that hungover.
If that's all it takes to cure your hangovers then you need to drink more.
I didn't know your ex looked like a male Khloe Kardashian?
We are trying to penis chicken awkward them out. But I think it's a gay wedding. Backfiring. Heavily.
I've had 5 hours of sleep and I still smell like sex with the Colonel. I don't appreciate spontaneity.
EX BOYFRIEND'S TWINS WERE BORN TODAY. THIS CALLS FOR A MARG.
have you ever tried to puke in an automatic flushing toilet? impossible
only i would get cock blocked by a cop
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