That's intense
The bars here don't close until 4!
my legs don't close until 4
We could sell used underwear with pictures of us wearing them.
apparently, i ordered a pogo stick last night. i can't even be mad about that.
you told the bartender not to open the bottle because you were gonna put it in your purse in case you get cut off later
When i asked him what happened all he said was, the toucan... the toucan... over and over again.
I just got a high school volleyball teams practice cancelled because I slept with the head coach through their practice time.
I just saw that cheerleader from u of arkansas that I hooked up with over spring break on espn. My parents would be so proud.
I'm hungover from arbor mist I'm so white
You looked at me, said I was a nice guy. Then you drunkenly climbed on top of me and said you liked me and wanted me.
I peed my pants walking home last night... I just kept walking.
Her mom came down to the basement and took shots with us. She's now passed out in a wheel barrow. This party got weird
Can you hurry up? Jamie just challenged my ex boyfriend to a duel and someone honest to God handed her a sword?
She didn't have her own?
Its 9 am & i've been cleaning for 6 hours now with occasional crying bursts and two cocktails. Adulting 101.
Is she blowing you? I'm in the closet.
Randomize
