I pooped in a mop bucket.
WTF???
Their employee restroom was locked what kind of customer service is that
He is such a gentleman, he paid for my plan b
Omg Kevin Jonas is engaged!!!!!!
Omg really? To who. Gay marriage is only legal in like 3 states.
Just walked past a girl wearing nothing but flip flops and an oversized sweatshirt crying by the front gates eating pizza. i just found your soulmate.
He had the smallest penis i'd ever seen. I can see why he drinks his life away.
i'm sure god appreciates how great my boobs look during this fine christmas eve mass
That was like me applying to a law school drunk at 5 am
Hahaha. That's funny.
But I got an 18k dollar per year scholarship
I'm tired and starving, and I'm pretty sure I just cost the company 33,000 dollars...fuck you and you're "you'll love going to work high" nonsense.
I apparantly wanted to name her baby garbage
Totally just drove past you riding your bike. I was like damn, that looks like a cute little hipster boy, and then I realized it was you and that I'd already banged you and it kinda made my day. I hope you're well. Come over soon?
I'm wearing spiderman underwear, the question is what am I NOT capable of
The bartender had to walk me home last night. New high or new low?
Hi you snuggled with me in my bed in a maid outfit
My moms new boyfriend looks like Stu Pickles if he was in a biker gang. He gave me free coke though, so come party?
She was wearing American flag underwear. How could I NOT fuck her?
You're a true patriot.
Randomize
