ParTy fuckkin suckkkks bro I gotta fid sum biTch 2 leT me fire sum loadz on her FACE!
?
Nah, but can you imagine if I were seriously like that?
You should have seen the look on the cashiers face when I was buying steel reserve with a suit on.
If I die and they 'assume' it's natural causes, just go with it.
One of my preschool students told me today that it's not pollution that makes the water in lakes unclean. It's the hobos. I was absolutely speechless. And just so proud.
I think I'm getting too used to throwing up in the reception trash can. It doesn't even phase me anymore
at what point last night did we decide it was okay to let me hitch hike to another bar?
we are all four or five tequila-induced decisions away from shitting in a bucket, come get me please.
Hypothetically going to the gym on coke was a good idea
He used Kanye West lyrics to justify what happened and I accepted his logic
"Little drunk?" Honey you were "livetweeting" Sublime's "Sublime" album while it was playing in his car, and at one point you said you hoped they play Santeria. "Little drunk" doesn't cover it.
I want your cock. I also want to cuddle you and tell you how amazing you are, because you know balance.
Just got hit on via LinkedIn..do I capitalize on this opportunity/land a job or reply something sassy
The Easter sex puns were too abundant
These rednecks don't fuck around. This party is completely BYOB and we now have 6 kegs, 3 of which have already been emptied.
Grumpy Cat is dead and fuck EVERYTHING.
Randomize
