I wish I could teleport
So...we accidentally left a bag of puke in your sister's room. Heads up.
Pretty sure I just has te same conversation as you. He suggested I get, sell, and fuck the hoes, and once all was said and done, that I should refer afforementioned hoes to him, to perform felatio.
While you were in the ER we decided to tailgate in the parking lot until security told us that's not allowed.
if things do not go as planned you should see me walking down I81 blindfolded and pantless
Are you alive?
I googled "I don't want to vomit anymore," and "how to rip out your uvula," at 9 am this morning, but I'm still here. Uvula and all.
Tiny.
I mean tony. It's like autocorrect knows he wasn't well endowed.
I was about to attempt a citizen's arrest on my RA
She yelled "taste the gay rainbow" in a biker bar. She's either brave or fuckin stupid.
today i was walking through gramercy with a dress bag from David's Bridal and a bag of McDonald's. No guy would make eye contact with me as I scarfed down my fries. I think I was mankind's walking night terror.
Got with someone dressed up as Allen from the hangover so that's where I'm at in life
Three Asian guys got on the elevator with a handle of Hennessey and a sleeping bag. This is not the start of a joke.
We got a lap dance! I touched a boob!
Woke up this morning to him making out with me in his sleep, then I had to go on a scavenger hunt to find a used condom before my roommate got back... it was under my pillow.
How many weight watcher activity points do you think sex is worth?
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