I see an opportunity for you to use your nakedness to cure my boredom.
Saw shirtless man with angel wing tramp stamp seen biking in my neighborhood. Considering moving.
hey. who tried to drive me home last night?
not sure. we got lost. what do you mean "tried"?
i'm still in their car. parked on the beach. no one else is here. i have on different pants.
i'm so high that my cigarette just tasted like chef boyardee. no lie.
Just bought a german beer stein with tuition cash. no regrets
We stole a cat. That is all you need to know.
They poured beer (3 cans) down the toilet so bubbles can be drunk in fishy heaven
I woke up with her dog licking the wedding cake out of my ear and her sister finishing our Jaeger
They invited me day drinking but brought their kids. 3 two year olds and 1 11 month old. I was asked to change a diaper, I laughed and took another drink of this margarita. I LIKE CHANEL AND TEQUILA NOT CHILDREN. Can we make new friends?
There are twenty thousand men on this campus, please have sex with someone who isn't my drug dealer
I'm just over here all sober hanging with two high people talking about how they're "free-spirited stallions."
I'm so excited you texted me but I'm way to high to process it
Just burnt my tongue. Not sure if it will help or hurt giving blow jobs
Well I'm sorry I assumed you were a human and that humans have the capability to forget sometimes.
I'm pmsing pretty hard.. .just cried 3 times while eating a Hershey bar dipped in peanut butter
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