i think i may have caused an international incident at the french embassy, just fyi
hahaha how?
its a long story involving a horse trailer and some shrubbery
Her gag reflex was as absent as a father figure must have been in her childhood
There was a pool of blood on my desk and we still don't know who it belongs to. missed a good party, man.
she added me on facebook and her celebrity doppelganger is rosie odonnel. FUCK
this is a mass text to all the people i smoke weed with. I have Mono, so if we've shared a bong/pipe. sorry man.
I didn't scare your mother by showing up on the roof, did I?
I haven't found him passed out in the living room covered in noodles for a while now so I guess he's getting better with the drinking.
I want someone to sweep me off my feet and you want someone to fuck you on the kitchen table. They're both perfectly logical needs.
Either you got hacked or we need to have a serious discussion about sending penis enlargement emails to your straight friends and why you shouldn't. It sends the wrong message.
They need 20 oz Capri suns with liquor. Douches need to grow up with their clients
guys I just made $20 cause these random south african guys thought I wasn't wearing any underwear
Running my fingers through my hair was like that scene in Patch Adams where the old lady got to swim in a pool of pasta. I love Molly.
Its like drunk me is Oprah except instead of a car everyone's award is seeing my boobs
I don't know if I want to fuck him or punch him in the face.
Haha do not judge my life style choices right now but me and Dj had sex twice and then he helped me pick an outfit out for my date
Randomize
