and i forgot to tell you that my armpit hair is now completely grown back. man i love winter.
Something about a hand job in a car doesn't scream girlfriend
they lined up to high five me when i got taken out by the stretcher. The paramedic high fived them too
When did you hit me on the head with a stool?
the evidence from last night is not good...
what evidence?
my underwear is on inside out, and there are french fries in my hair...
It's been hot as balls outside. It's like getting tea bagged by the Sun.
She bent over while grinding on me on the dance floor and her thong straps were hanging out, I thought it was a good idea to grab the straps with both hands and pretend to be riding in Santa's sleigh...not my brightest moment.
So because I got upset you didn't answer I threw my phone in the garbage disposal last night
Of the three people getting wasted at this dance competition, im two of them
He is so sweet! He thanks me for sending him dirty pix. I should keep him.
There's a guy running dressed as a bunny toward your house.
Her blow jobs are legen wait for it seriously like 9 people I know brag about them dary
FUUUCK. sunburned vagina. this is the worst day ever. i'm not leaving my room until it peels.
can you come here so we can have really loud sex? the girl upstairs walks so loud i want her to know how it feels
of course
at one point, you reached into your purse, pulled out a tampon, and proceeded to rub it on your lips like chapstick... that drunk
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