I think I'm going to be in trouble for sneaking out last night. My Dad saw me drive up this morning when he was leaving early for work.
What'd you say?
I told him I was sleep driving
All I'm saying, is that being compared to a Muppet is not the end of the world.
Not only did a random toaster end up in my house last night, it's also full of skittles.
this is two weekends in a row I've been the pantsless girl at the party. I love my social life.
At McDonald's last night the guy gave you the wrong kind of McFlurry, so you screamed at him, "YOU MCFUCKED UP."
Just start grabbing cocks. It can't go wrong! Just say you thought you knew him and wanted to check.
Yes. Amanda is the only option and I want cake so I can sacrifice my vagina.
No shame December is a go.
If I don't have the money by then, I'll pay you in sex.
It's going to be 23.5 times of sex and 19 blow jobs. I just googled it.
I threw up in my closet when I was hammered last night. Like a fucking toddler. I can't play with the grow ups.
Instead of more alcohol, I decided to drink tea. Lets slow clap it out for me
No amount of beer will make me feel better about this. It's time for Emergency Whisky
Everywhere I look there's another kitten this is so ideal
Can I live on acid? Kittens man. Kittens.
From what I heard you ordered him to lick your balls. Unless you've kept a huge secret I understand his confusion.
No, I barely made it home last nite. Kept telling cab driver I live across the street from Susan Sarandon?? Thank god her coop addy is posted online.
Wanna get business drunk and go play golf?
Randomize
