I DID IT WITH MY SOCKS ON!
The walk of shame is slightly more complicated when you wake up in the wrong country...
Just because we had intercourse doesn't mean we're friends.
I hit her tiny dog with a horseshoe an hour ago. Her and her mom cried as it laid on the ground shaking. Im drunk.
My god. We'll be gay porn millionaires.
Apparently, we were running around the apartment, singing into pickles, the routinely slapped our passed out friends with them.
I thought stuff was gonna go really bad after he filled the super-soaker with kerosene. but it all turned out pretty well.
told our landlord the hole in the wall was from your head during drunk sex..
how did he take it?
not as well as i would have thought
he fucked me so hard i could feel my pelvis shifting. like i legit feel more prepared for childirth now
We found him in the backyard throwing shoes onto the roof yelling "WHO BRINGS CROCS TO A HOUSE PARTY?!"
ted dressed as a cardinal led an expedition across campus. i felt like one of the 12 apostles.
Why was I so drunk last night that I licked the bar and then the bartenders face? Why didn't you stop me? We can never go back there.
I was legit late to work one day Bc it took me so long to get a good nude
when you shit yourself on the way to school its time to give up and go home
I miss my innocence.
I miss being able to say, "I've never done this before."
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