What did we do last night that was yellow?
i was just outside smoking and i saw a hooker sing "i wish i knew who your daddy was" to her new born baby. someone explain to me why i ever left chicago to go to college...
sex in a ball pit. and I thought ghandi did great things.
My costume is made up of 4 inch heels and a firefighter costume I'm borrowing from the dramatic play area of my Pre-K classroom. I told you I could still be slutty on a teacher's salary.
Please know that I fully expect you to help me steal a bed if I have a bad breakup.
Blacked out at the beach and unblacked out at a piano bar singing Tiny Dancer.
I left puerto rico a week ago and my vagina still smells like coconut.
OMG OMG OMG DID YOU KNOW THERE ARE MINI CHOCOLATE COWBOY HATS THAT MEN CAN BUY FOR THEIR PENISES?
I just found 20 dollars in my vibrator box. Was it a drunken sign to myself to get more?
Update: that felon in Georgia I slept with is now a police officer. What a wonderful world
and idk now I have nine bags of lettuce in my fridge
Well it might’ve been because you asked to play What Makes You Beautiful at the club
I saw his new girlfriend. She was flashing people, short and kinda chubby. I was happy with my life after that.
If he has a beard, chances are, that’s an open invitation to sit on his face
Drunk me is having trouble keeping up with sober me's standards
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