I spilled a beer on myself, so I went back to my place to change. The city marshall was at my door with a warrant. That beer cost me 760 bucks.
So yes, he's hot, a scorpio, an artist and a perfect cock. I think my bi train just arrived in gay town.
At least it earned you a couple drinks. And something tells me you've touched grosser things with less incentive.
Please tell me this is my four loko that I just woke up in....
A three fingered guy just showed up with fireworks and bourbon, tonight will be entertaining.
Im sitting on the exxon bathroom floor, idk if its healthy but it sure is cold
Your wedding's just one more day in my life I can't wear sweat pants.
Vodka?
Forever.
He called me at two in the morning to tell me he was throwing the tiny Thor hammer at moving vehicles. Apparently he missed the guy on the motorcycle.
Ok everyone, the frat server is slow because of the 11 TB of porn on there. Either clean out your partition by Sunday or it will be erased. Thanks for your help.
My tuesday consisted of speaking to a federal agent for two hours and watching a roving band of gypsies jump over a fire until 2:30am
Using my graduation announcement box as a table to roll a blunt on. I've official stopped giving a shit about senior year
There is a video on my phone of me suckling a bag of wine from your crotch area while you say "The Body of Christ" in a Michigan accent. I vaguely remember being offended by this yet I did it anyway.
I went to the strip club tonight. I had never gone, and in a panic I gave the dancer giving me a lap dance a handshake and introduced myself. Redefines business casual.
He punched me in the face while giving him road head, because he was driving stick. I shit you not.
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