hey im gonna send you a picture of my dinner
if its a picture of your dick again we are no longer friends
If I sit on the seam of my jeans just the right way when the bass hits, this might be my new favorite band.
I gave my ex the dutch oven last night. How was your night?
I saw him at work today and he gave me a really awkward "I know what you do drunk" look...
i might even pee on it at walmart i am so nervous
Just registered some guy for opium withdrawals. WTF opium withdrawals, who does opium anymore.
Sorry about last night..I didnt realize how drunk you were and when I closed the door it caused you to slam into the mirror...you'll probably piece together the puzzle when you read this and see your hand.
his semen tasted like maple syrup. no wonder fat girls always wanna fuck him.
Underwear, t-shirt, bottle of Pinot Grigio and Golden Girls. I've hit a new level of homosexual.
Just found out drinking 6 trays of random shots makes me wake up on a club toilet with my underwear and jeans around my ankles
I kind of learned that hotels are unnecessary. Boys will just take you home, but that's tough with a group. I believe in us, though.
What drugs are we doing when you visit?
The correct answer is all the drugs because I just found out they have glow in the dark bubbles.
guys with girlfriends don't have a leg to stand on when they get mad at you for fucking other guys
If there was a card that said "I'm sorry for throwing up on your bathroom counter" I would send it to you.
I forgot that I'm high because of how high I am.
Randomize
