So, I had a dream last night that girls approached guys at the bar and said things like "i would like to pleasure you tonight." No drink buying, no sweet talking or ANYTHING.....it. was. awesome.
Definately laid on the floor of the shower this morning drinking the water as it fell on me.
Hey, hey, hey, hey. This is a hurriCAN.
then she kicked a hole in her own door and the next thing you know, brian's walking up to her room with power tools. in no condition to use them
just woke up under a car ? That's odd
Holy fucking shit
WAIT BUT IM WEARING A BACKPACK THAT MAGICALLY HAS 30 BEERS IN IT
Watching elf, eating a tub of ice cream, and coming to terms with the fact that I haven't had sex in 5 months. Happy fucking holidays.
Girl please we both know I eat his bullshit up like its candy sprinkled with crack
What's it called where you go to the stripclub with two guys that have both gone down on you...
Tuesday
Amnesty Wednesday? I'm free to do dirty things to you and you can't laugh or judge?
I yelled "NO FLEX ZONE!!!" at the guy that thinks it's cool to take off his shirt at the party then proceeded to puking
christmas shopping: 3 hours in the liquor store...
Remind me to tell you: When threeways go awry, my MLK weekend story.
Do you remember trying to eat the shower curtain last night...?
No, this year you're all getting coupons for things like "no yelling because you had sex in my apartment" or "the last beer."
I don't know how I managed to chip the inside of my tooth w/ a turkey and cheeto sandwich, but I think that's what happened.
I'm sorry, a turkey and WHAT sandwich?!?!
Randomize
