are you looking for your table cloth? Cause I found it around my neck this morning...
she's into porn, im staying here tonight
I'm making a contract of things you're not allowed to put in my ass
I just woke up naked clutching a Taco Bell bag.
Hes stumbling drunkenly around the streets of New York with a balloon vagina on his head. I'd say hes having a good night.
You called your ex's vag an "AIDS Pinata". Drunk You is the Hulk Hogan of insults.
Sometimes crazy just comes naturally. I don't need booze to say that on occasion I feel the need to rip off my asshole and throw it against the fridge to see if it sticks.
You can't spell "party" without "RA."
You know what else you can't spell it without? "Gonna get fired."
MIDGETS
????
I just masturbated to the thought of him straight up talking to me. to us having a conversation. What the hell.
I don't even care that it's before church. I feel like God actually wants me to have this shower beer.
Also, McDonald's breakfast is now 24/7. This is it. This is how I die. Face first in a pile of hashbrowns.
Yeah just had sex and grub hub came right after he did. I’d say it’s a win.
My girl friends dad just asked how I get so drunk and then he passed out with a bloody Mary in his hand on the couch it's 230 do you know where your parents are
I just bartered a blowjob for the ex-fiancée's engagement ring. FTW!
Randomize
