What do you think she thinks of us?
I think she thinks we're whores... but ya I think she likes us
my boobs just fell out on the dance floor. my wedding is totally beating your wedding
Its sad we have to plan out fun a month in advance. 30 sucks.
the hot woman interviewing me is reading jokes off the back of laffy taffy.... I'm getting laid and possibly a job
You tired to make Beefaroni in the Mr. Coffee machine.
there are seriously like six guinea pigs in my bathtub right now
defrosting a beer in the microwave. no sparks so far.
What's the point of having 3 fuck buddies when their periods all seem to sync up
It was a group decision to take your pants off. Took a solid 10 minutes. No more skinny jeans while drinking.
And I really REALLY don't feel like cleaning cinnamon off my penis tonight.
A big toe in my vag is not foreplay.
Sending out old nude selfies with the message "#tbt"
we're spending all day in bed drinking spiked eggnog and fucking
Two of us got arrested. Gonna be delayed a bit. Save me a burger.
admittedly, geting that drunk in front of my last two exes wasnt a good idea
probably didn't help that you cheated on them with each other either
Randomize
