I just realized I haven't had steady access to a woman's body since I was breastfeeding.
i just entered cocaine into my calorie counter.
Apparently he ran around last night saying he was 'the hulk hogan of muff diving'
I get way too drunk to be trusted with family heirlooms
Handjob with gloves on results in friction burn. In case you've ever wondered
he quoted the bible to break up with me
And here i was gonna offer you a complimentary blowjob.
I may be Daddy's little princess, but doesn't mean I can't be the blowjob queen.
So this tall girl jumped in our cab and I was like hey I have pics of u on my phone. It wasn't creepy at all
They're fighting and it sounds intense. Cross your fingers for their demise
Toss in some raw meat and play heavy metal music. It will insight violence.
My fucking earlobe is bruised what the hell
We never leave a bad bitch behind. its a party foul..we'll find you somehow
Tomorrow I'm going to tape my thumbs to my palms and my biceps to my abdomen to learn what it's like to be a t-rex for a day. Anyone else in?
GOOD MORNING! This is your wake up call! Just incase this text wasn't enough, I had sex on your bed last night while you were drunk hitting on my sister. Dan jizzed on your pillow! We rubbed it on both sides! Now get up and go to class!
I want to meet people. Preferably ones with penises
Randomize
