Like all of my pajamas are shirts of guys I shacked with in college
Just saw the true definition of the muffin top and camel toe all on one person at the DC zoo... Tried to take a pic but she got away..
i just sold back the books i vomitted on
I don't care what you say, cheap wine does NOT taste better in expensive crystal...
I don't remember his name but he sat in the bathroom and gave us both advice...
I'm lying here drinking water from a shot glass..moving is not an option right now
I don't really know how to explain this place...it's like I feel like I need an std just to fit in
Regardless of the amount of alcohol you may consume tonight - DON'T take anybody home
Basically, what i'm trying to say is, if you don't have something, excuse or gift, to satisfy my anger i am going to look you in the eye and piss on the floor.
I wish on days I started my period Chipotle would come to my house with a burrito bar ... Then give me a chocolate cake and a large beer.
I mean I'm so obviously classy currently laying in bed watching a movie while finishing my drink from last night
THIS IS A TERRIBLE REWARD FOR NOT GETTING PREGNANT.
Let's be honest, I've seen a decent amount of dicks in my life and very few of them have been worth all the trouble.
HAMMERED.. I made a peanut butter and jelly sandwich with toilet paper instead of bread...
I'm just now realizing I've slept with guys from three different decades over the past year. That's gotta be some sort of record.
just saw a girl run into an automatic sliding door, back up and try again
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