I kiss like a newly born barfing kangaroo
i got last night's adventure to take the garbage out when he was leaving. my vagina is THAT good.
I just found out my first birthday was a keg party. Suddenly everything makes sense
No one understands that once a girl pours a handle of smirnoff all over herself, clearly she is wasted
Met my future wife peeing in the men's room. I stood in for the missing door on the stall. We really hit it off talking about how her butt didn't even touch the seat from all the years of squat lifting in high school.
Why did the fire extinguisher taste lemony?
I always ask when they're due. It's the nicest way for me to let her know the rest of the world can tell she's putting on weight too
The best part about passing out on the floor was the fact that when I pissed myself, I didn't piss the bed again.
I don't know whether to call the hospital or call the prison first.
Just made a drunk dude do 20 push-ups. In the parking lot of the bar tonight for a keystone light I found in the back of my truck.
Oh yum
So, settle a debate for my housemates. Have you measured your dick. And how long. Results Will not be disclosed
Should I give the penis ring toss game to good will or garbage
ugh, my whole family is going ape shit over my sister's pregnancy blog. I dont get it? Anyone can get knocked up! I had rebound sex with a new york ranger last night, now that is something to fucking blog about.
I usually do that but weve been going unprotected with tribal fertility symbols painted above my door
In hindsight, maybe rearranging his living room because he has OCD while he was out wasnt the greatest idea. Though it'll keep him busy for HOURS
Randomize
