I do no wrong. I am always right. Right? I forget why I am sending this. It seemed relevant.
she fell down the flight of stairs and was fine until she saw the two broken beer bottles on the ground by her.
thats a woman
Is it really that bad? I heard it was like pooping. I like pooping.
No idea how i never noticed that penis before. I wonder if it works
idea:have a jello shot stand(opposed to lemonade stand) to raise money for spring break
I don't think anyone has ever said "boy I'm glad I took those shots of everclear" when they wake up
Right when I walked into the party my boyfriend stood up and yelled, "HEY TITS, GET ME A BEER!"
today i learned why jack sparrow loved rum so fucking much
i sat alone in my bed and ate pizza and garlic fingers. The icing on the cake was hearing your moans from down the hall.
when you wake up in a apartment hallway wearing someone else's shoes, you can pretty much assume last night was a success.
Dude. I don't even want cuddles. I just want an acknowledgement that I just had balls in my mouth.
A young (I'm going to guess late middle school age) kid shouted at me from the crosswalk GAS PUMP OF SHAME! I have peaked in life.
You threw him in the dryer?
He went in of his own accord. Mumbled something about experiencing the blossoming of popcorn.
They just canceled the season. It’s going to be harder to bang soccer moms this year
Hot fire fighters installing my closet. Don't know how to go about this. Gonna nonchalantly take my shirt off and see what happens..
Randomize
