I just wanted to draw pictures of limp wieners on peoples doors and smash pictures of palm trees. That's it.
I think i peed on brittanys purse
don't worry. When rigor sets in, we'll make sure to get you laid one last time.
you handed me your bra at the bar and said 'hold my purse'
He was singing Justin Beiber while we did it. I love secure Spanish men
You said your legs stopped working and then pulled yourself around the floor with your hands.
That explains the wood chips stuck in my nipples.
can we get vodka so I have an excuse for being an emotional wreck
No dude, I'm not naming my kid after your beard
I think that thing where I have 2 boyfriends is happening again
Dude... She just sent me a story of how she wants to fuck me on a boat and call me her captain.. Well ahoy mateys, lets set sail
The bar would not accept my money. I have reached God status here
Someone threw up pink in the shower, there's a golf cart tipped over on the lawn and Cousin Brian is missing. What could Friday night throw at us?
Plan b and 5 hour enegery breakfast of a champion
It's like his penis moved in and did some interior decorating without telling me first...
Could’ve gone my whole life not seeing a man snort coke off another man’s cock... but there it is...
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