just so you know, your brother isn't driving home wasted tonight. he is, instead, in my dorm shower screaming about rubbing his butt with my loofah; thought you would be proud
the 3rd commandment: and god said, if you buy a handle.. you must finish it.
Mother fucker. I'm a 30J now. I'm fucking speechless
Caught my drug dealer jacking off. I think this is a new step in our relationship
I dont think punching her boob is the type of reverse psychology that will get her to blow you.
I've hooked up with three guys in my accounting class. I'm beginning to think my teacher failed me so I can start getting laid again.
Dude. She told me she felt bad for not giving me more blojobs. HOW COULD THAT HAVE GONE BETTER?
Taking shots out of pine wood derby trophiesssssss. best idea ever.
This has been the biggest binge-drinking season of the decade.
You can't tell me you've honestly NEVER considered smoking a Froot Loop
Good afternoon everyone! Just texting to inform you that Andrew, your emotionally detached man-whore, will be back starting this weekend. Please RSVP.
currently buying a pregnancy test while braless so happy november to you too
The night was crazy enough that we did a workout. Instructed by the bouncer at 2am
he told me he had a gf and in the very next sentence asked if I wanted to have sex.
Did you have a good sleep?
if a good sleep includes waking up cuddling a bottle of wine I had a GREAT sleep
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