I didnt attack him, I heard I threw a chair at him- big difference. And you know Im not a creep so whatever
Avril Lavigne as a judge on Idol wearing devil ears. it's like every boner you ever had in 2002 just came true.
Pretty certain he passed out for a while going down on me. Absolutely certain he passed out during the blow job.
Leaving ole miss girls house to go to the stripper girls house. Why did it take losing my job to start getting laid all the damn time?
At one point in time, he cried and said I didn't appreciate him.
There's a black statue of liberty dancing on the side of the road. Please hold while I join him.
whiskey
stop
tequila
you're fuckin up my ability to be a agrown up
So hungover. Have a black eye from where I tried to brush my teeth and stabbed myself in the eye instead. Should make the performance review I was stress drinking about go so much better.
she pretty much pinned my hand to her boob "on accident" for like 10 seconds before she moved. Waiting the rest of the night was just a formality.
If you take a post shower shit just get back in bed. You're better off starting your whole morning all over again.
Is drinking before noon still a bad idea if you invent an amazing cocktail?
I heard drunk is the new sober. I heard me say that. To a cop. Can you come get me??
Always keep a stash of tequila in your work desk. That is like adulting 101.
It's routine now. He comes home from work and i ride him like a cowgirl with only a few sips of wine. I love being his neighbor.
Lighting a fucking bong with a candle. Straight up dedication.
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