its 4th on my favorites list. 1. butt sex 2. mini skirts 3. three meat pizza rolls 4. fuck the pain away by peaches
I'll trade you a raw potato for some vodka
Just spun two beer bottles and Placed them in my pockets perfect... I feel like the clint eastwood of drunks
It just hit me that I woke up to you in a bear suit. Explain.
you just kept yelling "siddle that plaza" til the cab driver said it back...
why did I try to FaceTime with 311 last night?
Were at her birthday dinner and her dad keeps buying me shots saying when I was your age I fucked the shit outta girls
Hahahahahaha remind him your dating his daughter
The site I use to study flash cards keeps showing ads for truck companies hiring drivers. It's like the site is saying "hey, we all know there's no hope for you, just give up and Become a truck driver."
He has started theming his dick pics. I have one he sent his duck has a sombrero on. Another a Barbie is riding it.
In other news, I had my first sex related injury of the school year so that's cool
You fist bumped my dick last night saying good game. That you'll be back for the 2nd game...
Got caught up in a real life love triangle. Both guys wanted me. I'm tempted to just run off with the cute girl from McDonalds instead
Please do that
Let's just say I peed the bed last night, and I wasn't in it alone. Whoooops
What were you even doing out there at 2 a.m.?
Look, i had a gallon of lemonade, a pack of smokes and a Darth Vader voice changer. What did you EXPECT me to do?
Yes. I had to slow down my handjob so he would last...-and I give shitty handjobs to begin with
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