I knocked on some strangers door, you didn't have to give me a fake hotel room number
hey, here's something you don't have worry about since you're a girl: finding crusty cum in your bellybutton.
How much would it be to rent out Gus Johnson so he can announce our flip cup games?
ok, just found out the kid i had random sex with in April was on wheel of fortune so i can really no longer say i regret that night
My roommate's all sad and is crying and the chick I want to bang is in the room and Nic Cage is on fire. What the fuck.
we had a ceremony where you passed your fake id onto me in the middle of the bar. i was on my knees and you presented it to me. i don't think the bartenders were suspicious though
I don't think I have but I might've died. If I have then come get me, I'm in the flower bed. And still game.
I basically have a picture with a half naked foreign exchange student. He kept screaming rolltide and i felt like a traitor
Stop making Mac and cheese and sit on his face. FINISH HIM
I also turned off the Anchorman DVD start menu before cause I didn't want Will Ferrel watching me lose my virginity.
I left for five minutes and Chris wound up half in women's clothes, half naked. And the naked half was covered in shamrock stickers.
He told me he felt like he was just pistol-whipped by Testicle Man.
WTF? Why is there a pic of my tits in ur dad's office?
just passed my midterm while getting a blow job. i love going to school online
I moved to this city Tuesday and got laid Saturday. Still got it.
Randomize
