wake up i wanna do it froggy style
I woke up to him trying to put his dick in my mouth. When I asked him what he was doing he said he was trying to make me stop snoring...
I just pulled a feather out of my vagina.
I am not joking.
He asked about stds. I told him I don't have any... which I don't. They are now called sti's. Whooopsie
I woke up with my 26er down my pants and a peice of paper stuck to my forehead with gum that said "tell it to the greek goddess beside me"
You can't keep basing your relationship off of the fact that you both love ramen noodles
She nearly killed the mood when she said "Don't cum on my spray tan"
I just smoked my last bit of kief with a grill lighter. This is what crackheads must feel like.
you try finding a go kart track at 4 AM on Thanksgiving
I walked from the hotel to the club with a pint of tequila in my boot. Poured some in a homeless woman's mouth when she asked for change. I've hit rock bottom.
Finished watching the entire first season of mighty morphing power rangers. Now I have nothing. Not even a life.
Where the royal fuck are you??
The depths of vodka hell.
Oh, fuck yeah. I swear I came with every bite. Not even joking. Messiest meal ever.
Wow, thanks for ruining pizza for me. I didn't think it was possible.
BOOOOOOOOOOOO *takes away your hoe card*
I just deff did the walk of shame.. His roommate/manager woke us up. A dog scared me on my stumble to the car.
This is why I'm single.
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