How did currency from Costa Rica make it's way into my wallet...?
Climbing onto the roof in a dress and high heeled boots was probably not the best idea, especially after all that Bacardi.
First lesson of the year: don't close the bar on mondays
They high fived over us while we gave them synchronized blowjobs. In the same bed. Under the same blanket.
I just had to explain to my 62 year old advisor what "tea-bagging" was in the middle of her lecture. I smell extra credit. And maybe a demonstration.
I just stole a conducting baton from the chicago symphony orchestra... i have to stop drinking on weeknights
Think I pulled my pelvic muscle.
I think I pulled my ashamed of myself muscle.
it went ok. then he slept in a parking lot and took me out for a picnic the next day. boys are confusing.
I apparantly wanted to name her baby garbage
Youll thank me when youre dead an dont have a cat eating your face
Getting drunk and falling down, isnt the best way to describe your hobbies, to your new co-workers.
Had the weirdest dream last night. If you're ever in Texas, do not come over with a 12 pack as a bribe and ask for a threeway between you, me, and my TA. I will take the beer though.
Just had an oven catch fire while I was balls deep. Fire department came, I did not.
I just wish the first erections of my life didn't take place at a dentists office but hey whatever I turned out alright
you said it was a life or death situation, being your partner for beer pong doesn't count
Randomize
