how to cook rice: 1. put random amount of rice and water in a pot 2. have sex on the kitchen floor. when you are done having sex the rice is ready
Did you know even strippers have to have GED's these days??
every time you want to hook up with a guy who has a girl friend, i'll just give you a freshman
The panties match.
I'll be right there.
No our divorce decree will not have a blow job clause. Unless my alimony is greatly increased your bj's have been reduced to fantasy status.....
Reached a new low. Drinking Wine from my thermos while on the stair master.
I just had a dream that I was pulling you around downtown on a sled, from bar to bar. Dear lord if we start that there's no hope for us
Aside from the slim chance of pregnancy, I'm gonna call last night a raging success.
See, it wasn't that I broke my nose having sex. Its that I forgot about the bedposts...
omg just made cake vodka jello shots, sooooo excited
dear god these taste like death. death and sprinkles
Would you go as one half of Harry and Lloyd in Tuxes to Aaron's wedding?
I'm a fuck boy trapped in a single mom's body.
Just got home, my brothers stoned and he got a high score on COD.. He just asked me if I wanted to have a celebrational yogurt with him. Wtf?
For future reference, when he drunkenly screams "YOUR MOTHER SUCKS COCKS IN HELL," he means that he's about to throw up. Invest in a bucket.
YOU WAXED MY CAT YOU SICK FUCK
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