He has such a weird drunk-voice.
dude, he's deaf.
I don't know what you were told but i for sure didn't sleep with any one but steve's couch.
I like daylight savings. I don't care if it's 4 oclock it's not daydrinking if it's dark out
seek help.
I walked downstairs and there were 50 sorority girls. I wasn't expecting an audience during my walk of shame.
Trying to convince my mother to let me take some of my sisters Lortab to sell is not going well
We were just talking bout putting on helmets and going fo a car ride just to see how ppl react. I will def fit in here haha
It was just a reflex. BOOM I kicked her in the face
A gay black guy with blonde hair and a gold tooth just told me he would shit on my face.
Now it's a party.
Bailing my boss from jail at five in the morning.. If thats not a promotion I don't what is.
It got quiet and we all stood around and opened the box and I've never seen so many burritos in my life man. it was fucking biblical.
I seriously want to say to him "Do you know how many blow jobs you could have gotten this summer?"
It was like, once I started flashing you, I couldn't stop.
FYI my mom is sending thanksgiving "samples" of her fancy pot stash for us this weekend. I bring the BEST family leftovers.
Hope everything goes ok. If it makes you feel better, I straightened vomit into my hair and killed a bird earlier.
Fuck you i've put so many pretzels in her shirt
Randomize
