I want to take you away to a place of dolphin rides and hot stone massages.
I just want to sing "highway to the danger zone" when I'm taking his pants off.
giving a blow job on a jetski isn't as easy as it sounds.
I don't know which is worse: knowing all the free porn websites, or knowing which days they update their free porn.
best thing about halloween? there are pumpkins to puke in EVERYWHERE!
the brownie started to kick in before i finished the essay... it became a race against my own increasing intoxication
We can't bring brittanys dog so we are getting high and getting in my bathtub I think it's pretty safe
whoever put homecoming and halloween on the same weekend owes me a new liver and a get out of jail free card.
So I'm at the VFW tonight and the shot special here is straight 151 for 2 dollars. They must hate our livers
We were debating whether you had hooked up with him. I was right for the record.
I'm remembering the time we thought it was a brilliant idea to put koolaid powder in shots of goldschlager
You know those twins i had a crush on in grade school? Just woke up between them. Best. Party. EVER.
Looking back on this weekend, I'm most grateful I never brought up with word "toe-fucking" at the bachelorette party.
I think I'm at a stage of my life where I subconsciously purposefully fuck everything up just to see if I can find a way out of it.
I think I sold my soul to a dominatrix last night.
Randomize
