I hate to tell you this, but your sister reeks of whore.
Just saw a squirrel crossing the road in a crosswalk..my morning has improved exponentially.
what the fuck. my fiance told me she called our wedding band last night and told them to perform "best i ever had" for our first dance
she sounds like chewbacca in bed
At Wal-Mart last night I watched two guys scramble for $4.34 to pay for a pack of ping pong balls and red solo cups. They had to put the .34 on a credit card. Winter break begins!
Do you think he woke up this morning, looked at you, and then regretted everything?
I'm not sure which one did it but one of them fucked the kink out of my neck
You tried to sit down... There was a distinct lack of couch.
God gave me a talent besides one night stands. I feel like I should use it
Her tutu was on the floor and she wouldn't take off her crown. She kept saying you're fucking a princess!
We took your mom out drinking and we wound up winning 18 games of Flip Cup. You have amazing genetics.
I shouldn't have to tell you to stop throwing knives at me.
He woke up wondering who broke in and rearranged all the furniture. He reviewed 11 hours of security footage before I told him he did it while whiskey-drunk.
I knew she was the one when we had sex to the halo soundtrack.
She was blacked out at her own party. It felt good to stand next to her while she laid on the floor and say "vomit does not look good on you."
Randomize
