It is pretty awful out and I still haven't put on pants yet.
He went soft
Wait. During?
Yeah, he was IN. MY. MOUTH.
I need to stop hooking up with boys in my major. three boys in one class is just a litttle too awkward.
Dude you can't just initiate a threesome via twitter
i need to buy one of the child leashes to wear at mardi gras or else im never making it out alive
Buying Plan B right after a lecture on feminism. It's nice to know who I can thank for that right.
I walked in on you rubbing your nose all over his face while straddling him and yelling "I'M SO SORRY!" repeatedly. I'd say you were in pretty good shape at that point in the night.
Please stop leaving drunk voicemails with your new black/Irish accent.
Just lifeguarded a kid's party hungover so I could afford to go out drinking tonight. Circle of life shit goin on here.
You shouted "FUCK SHANIA TWAIN" and then downed an Aquafina bottle of white wine none of us knew how to react
He would come to class in wrapped in nothing but a pink towel
Have you ever felt like autocorrect is judging you with its suggested words? Like how it won't suggest certain words until you type in pretty much the entire word, is it just thinking 'No way did this dude use "consent laws" in the same sentence as "17th?" Or is that just me.
Basically one minute I'm sucking on her nipples and then 45 mins later we're at work and she's my boss.
...I watched him run on the beach yesterday and I think I started ovulating
Explain to me again why I'm doing the walk of shame if we fucked at my house?
Randomize
