Holy cold harsh reality of sobriety batman
one two three fourrrrnication!
i have a feeling he has a nice dick. i can just sense it.
I wish there was a classy way to show off your boobs.
I'm sick of being the only unemployed member of the group. Doing things alone isn't partying. Its sad.
My parents are takin me for chinese food for my 4/20 present.
I fucking hate you.
Last thing I remember was a hand in the pants. Then I woke up next to a full beer and a McDouble, which I promptly had for breakfast.
In the liquor store when a straight girl and a gay guy were just arguing about who hooked up with the same guy first.
no he just sat there holding the hammer and grinning insanely
It's amazing how hard it it while drunk to not comment "fuck you" on dumb peoples' statuses
What am I even going to do with 20 more jello shots? And don't say give them to the cat
We're going to ride the bus of mixed signals all the way to unrequited love town and that's where I'm going to live my life and then die.
We broke my graduation cords last night when we used them to tie each other up during sex last night
Everyone is a disappointment when you lose your virginity to nine inches
Do you think it's a bad sign of the outcome of the pregnancy test I'm about to take that I was eating a fudgsicle on the way into the drugstore? Would it make worse to tell you I also bought a big ass bag of Cornnuts?
Randomize
