i always forget guys have bellybuttons
the guy i hooked up with is asleep on our couch. please dont fuck him.
officially spring now- first drug bust of the season across the street.
i'm using salt from the free peanuts to stop the bleeding.
I just watched a woman in a full wedding dress and veil walk out of the chinese buffet...I no longer believe I have a problem, and am afraid I am underdressed.
JUST MADE A FLAMING SLED. MIGHT HAVE 3RD DEGREE BURNS.
All I remember is this kid kept saying that he has a dream that white kids and black kids can take shots together as one, and just we'd keep drinking to that.
Sex on roller skates
Floating mattress
Tie
They broke our car window and then wrote "great night" on the next
I don't have patience to seek someone out and try to decipher whether or not I think I'd want to actually have their dick in my face.
Just to prove a point, she called and ordered a pizza 10 min before she ordered the blow and it still got here first. I may never leave LA.
I told you!!! And that is why he's the drug dealer to the stars.
I feel like I'm going to shit out a Big Mac
We're too hungover to prance.
The bride is so wasted, she fell into her cake.I wanna be on her level
Remembering you have vodka in the freezer gives the same surge of happiness as finding 20 bucks in a coat pocket.
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