so she proceeds to puke everywhere, look up at me like a sick dog, and then say, "i'll finish if you want me to."
I just read the lonely terrorist on nwa had 40 more friends than me on facebook
Judging by the fact that my hair was glued to my head with vomit, yeah I think I couldve used a friend last night
Don't forget your talking to the guy who got arrested for throwing beads back at the Mardi Gras floats. You can't deny that's a first, and neither could that cop.
Like many of my risky ideas this has "burned genitals" written all over it
I think we should roll her a welcome back, sorry your godmom's on life support blunt.
he asked me to "shake his dick" when he introduced himself, playing naked football with you in our living room. $100 says you two get married one day.
It's my 3rd annual 21st birthday party. Disney themed. There will be blood.
God I miss you. I want to fuck your face... Then do all the girly cuddly shit too.
I just woke and boke and made apple pancakes. I'm kicking Monday in the dick.
Pretty sure one of my drivers stopped to get laid while he was delivering a pizza. Is it appropriate to give him a write-up AND a high-five?
My weirdest encounter with a stranger though was when for some reason they just gave me a box of unopened socks. Needless to say, I never used them.
5 am booty call not ok. The fact I actually went over definitely not ok. My vag needs to learn some control.
I don't want them thinking I'm like, "Mm, yeah, kitchenware in my ass please."
He ate me out in the passenger seat of his Range Rover in a Tim Hortons parking lot. I could hear “oh canada” on the radio from a nearby school as I came. Most patriotic orgasm ever!
Randomize
