I can't tonight. I'm still nursing a beach sex injury. Don't wanna talk about it.
remember earlier when I said I was over sex with random boys? take it back take it back take it back
the guy that filmed erin andrews naked got 27 months in jail. Every man that's seen it should send him cigs and a nail file baked in a cake. We owe it to him.
That's a really weird place to spoon. Especially if there are more accessible places to spoon. Like a bathtub.
Does anyone know why "math wizard" is written on my arm?
We decided it was acceptable to walk out of class on a quest for Doritos. That high.
She stopped laughing and kind of stared at the wall for a while. Then she did 3 somersaults and said she saw jesus. This weed is fucking fantastic.
Dude he downed 9 shots of tequila, sang bohemian rhapsody with 3 randoms Wayne's world style, solo'd closing time, chased the hot bartender's dog all the way to main, tackled him, carried him back, hot bar tender hugged AND kissed him, then he does a jumping heel click and leaps into my car through the window. Next rounds free at the yeti. Needless to say your little brother is a tequila god.
Basically.
He did a line of coke off my stomach then flipped me over and smacked my ass. Then, while he was talking dirty to me, he told me he wanted to hire someone to clean my room. And that's when he lost his boner. Life is so hard.
We exchanged snapchat usernames instead of numbers. Is that what America has come to?
The three yr old girl I nanny grabbed a pole just now and is chanting "this is my house"
Sounds like you at that dive bar last weekend
I'm eating lunchables with a glass of wine while I FaceTime the guy I lost my virginity to.
We can't do acid Disneyworld.
why is there glitter IN my vagina????
Sorry you saw my balls. Pregame includes a lot of shaving.
Randomize
