Drunken candy land NOW. Dont fight the urge... you want to.
is it weird that i blow-dry my hair and poop at the same time?
not any weirder than you telling me this at 4 in the morning
There's a girl sitting in front of me making a PowerPoint on Jack Bauer.
Her facebook status is 'PERCS ON DECKKK~' which is probably why she still lives with her parents.
Is all white too much for court to prove my innocents?
I'm shaved like a Brazilian hooker right now.
I have the flu.
I don't give a shit
Are you okay?
I went home with a 38 year old guy in a kilt, do I look okay!
"He didn't answer my snap so I know he's arrested"
you don't go into accounting for the pussy....
I'm just saying, if you haven't been dropped off at a Wawa at 5:30 in the morning by 3 cop cars, you're missing out
Lest it die in the depths of eternal drunken recall denial...we peed in the street. Middle of the street. Simultaneously. Peed. Street. Middle of street.
That means I have to put pants on. That is not something I am willing to do right now.
I used my mad pharmacist skills to turn ordinary birth control into morning after. I think my professors would be proud.
Well I've always wanted to get head while playing WoW...
K I'll do it, but mine is going to be WAY weirder. Your not allergic to shellfish, right?
Enjoy your early 30’s! You’re still young enough to catch a twenty something that can fuck 4 times a day, hot enough to date forty year old penises that can last long enough to give you multiple orgasms
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