did you know they have Ed Hardy school supplies at Target? it's like folders and notebooks for little douchebags in training.
Dude it was awful. I woke up with more strippers in my dorm room than those duke lacrosse kids.
worst lay ever....
as long as you cum, there is no bad sex
ya... thank god for condoms, I was able to fake it... I stand by my original statement
when a 14 year old is judging you, you know you've had too much to drink
He fucked a visibly pregnant girl. It doesn't get weirder than that.
im taking a nap outside. wake me up in an hour.
way to go to work and not wake me up. when you get home youre rubbing me with aloe and giving me a blowjob. no excuses
So I went to daintily fall onto my bed like I was in a hotel commercial and I completely missed my matress and landed on my floor. Just thought u should know.
Chose not to courtesy flush and the CEO huffed the result. I feel powerful.
I'm not the one who gave a guy that lives next door to my grandmother a blowjob in a pub bathroom in Ireland, you have no room to judge.
i gotta stop hooking up with people just to get to their dogs
Cancelling your gym membership calls for alcohol.
Are those your contacts stuck to the mirror?!
Yeah. Drunk me tried to put my contacts on the mirror where my eyes were.
this is a mass text: the cage has been opened. repeat, the cage has been opened. a search party will be organized. you are all sloppy bitches. that is all.
I woke up to rachel asking "did anyone else fall out of a tree last night?"
we woke up when the front wall of the house caught fire.
Randomize
