Every time you buy a sobe you buy a bong.
I may have been to starbucks and 2 classes with balls still written on my face...
I want a gay best friend. or apple sauce either one is fine with me
I have to verbally tell you. He looks good on paper...but he totally fails in person. Like communism.
The drunken tricycle race really added some class to the Tour de Franzia. Until everyone wiped out and started puking.
i came on her dog
you made sure you came back for your bottle of vodka but didn't remember to take your shoes
SHE GRABBED MY FULLY ERECT DICK IN A BAR AND STUCK HER TONGUE DOWN MY THROAT AND I COULD NOT CLOSE
I was jumping over your garbage can screaming "Im a snow cat!!" ..Who wouldn't want to see that?
I have an interview tomorrow! The couple we regularly swing with said I could use them as references. Winning
It wasn't exactly a dick pic. It was more like a body shot with a hint of wiener.
I had to put my dog down, accidentally outed my brother, and was given a fucking fish sandwich instead of a Big Mac ALL IN ONE DAY! Am I really the person you want to consult for advice? Hhhmmmmmm?
When I walked out of the bathroom and you were literally dancing, you looked at me and said 'this is how I dance'. And then continued.
I talked to his mom for a good 10 minutes with coke all over my nose. Not the best first impression
Intelligence report: the hot sister called you gross, the sweet sister says you're dumb, and the smart sister says all the other men she knows would have to die for her to hook up with you.
Randomize
