Wearing a Sarah Lawrence sweatshirt is like wearing a shirt that says, "I'm getting a degree in substitute teaching."
she said if she won the lottery she'd fuck me... isn't that like government funded prostitution?
Weird shit dude, I just realized that the girl I fucked last night looks like Shaun White's twin sister. I dunno if I should be scared or turned on
I hope her Double McTwist was as good as his
I walked into his room and he was naked with a half eaten pecan pie and a bottle of wine.
critical mistake not lubing the nipples
You just kept yelling at the cabby "I own this cab" and insisted on smoking with all the windows up
I just realised I've never been sober in my apartment
corona bottle fell out of my backpack and broke in the middle of my physics midterm. yay me.
I look like one classy bitch running in heels through my backyard while carrying a small dog and a large bottle of booze. How am I still single?
Seems like you've kicked summer 2012 off well.
Living in the dorms has served one purpose and one purpose only for me: to teach me that pooping in public bathrooms is okay and that I can do it
There should be a rule.......that if you have a small penis you must wear a hat with propellers on it so you can fly the hell off the planet.
I screamed "I want dick!" in the middle of the intersection. So many hot guys. I wish you were here.
I mean you're asking high Chelsea. I'd sell myself for a rice crispy
I was not drunk. There was Star Wars, sex, and baby oil.
I went with vodka instead of tequila tonight so I make better decisions. Fool proof plan.
Randomize
