I like you better when you drink
I like you better when I drink too
Please tell me you did not just serenade her with "Let's Get it On"?
Yeah I think it worked. My penis thanks you, Captain Morgan.
that was a gay-test. you passed.
with flying rainbow colors i hope!
remember when jerking off was fun and not a neccesity
Ughh on my way to the bathroom now... literally just puked on myself and cleaned it off with a hot dog bun... I love tailgate
It smells like ranch
Must be all the white people
It's taken me 5 years and 2 beers to finally realize that maybe he isn't the dude for me. Also, that picking your major should be done sober, lest you find your self an art major.
I have a video (on my shattered iphone) of a random DJ at some bar giving me a birthday shoutout and texts from random numbers talking about birthday sex. My birthday is in April... Happy birthday to me?
I don't understand how she could dump me AFTER we had shower sex. I'm fucking great at shower sex
I'm in the Wal Mart stall where we found out you weren't pregnant. This is where I'm going to propose to you. I feel like that would be the most romantic
He's texting from midnight mass asking for nude pics. Baby Jesus is spinning in his manger as we speak
Holy shit, I wanna ride him into the horizon.
George disappeared two hours ago with a stripper named "delicious." Haven't seen him since
I felt like I was having sex with Joffrey from Game of Thrones. Needless to say how bad it was
I got in an argument over whether or not I'm a slut. I argued yes.
Randomize