new hobby: convincing random sorority girls around campus that we hooked up last weekend. i'm 2 for 5.
Acid flashbacks - fact or fiction? Have been seeing a surprising amount of sparkly shit this afternoon...
Why is there a school picture of an 8 year old boy in my pocket...?
I am in macy's and just straight up heard an old lady taking a crap in her depends.
Whatever. I'm just trying to get my dick sucked while taking online harmonica lessons
He only had napkins in the bathroom... no toilet paper. If I fuck him, am I settling?
I gave the naked guy in the hotel a pop tart. He stopped crying.
So I got hit in the face with a frying pan. So def wont be at work for first break if I'm there at all
She curled up in the corner, screamed "THE BLANKET IS SO WARM" and promptly passed out with her face in the dogbed. No one bothered to reposition her.
I remember him going "OH SHIT" when he saw you straddling me on the table. And it was like the best feeling ever.
It wasn't even dirty talking, it was more like the soothing gentle nonsense noises you make when you've spooked a horse.
Why are you drunk at the library?
Why not?
I made him fuck me while wearing a Thor helmat from Walmart. Geek sex is the best sex
Today has been hell. Also I saw a dead man's penis. It's safe to say I will be getting very drunk tonight.
I don't care. It's wine Wednesday get your gameface on.
Randomize
