Sex don't cost a thang now that you can buy trojans with meal points.
I totally just used John Mayer's lyrics to get laid.
So how gross is it that Woopie Goldberg has a vagina? She's like the exact opposite of a boner....
Nope, didn't see her. We left when you told us you were going to make the " big beef burrito supreme" even more supreme and you took your dick out.
he referred to my room as the tit cave...
i ditched last period to have sex with him. i had to change into my skank clothes in the church parking lot. little kids were on the swings.
nothing about this is right.
i could totally date him if i was just drunk the whole relationship
Apparently campus cops frown on lighting a joint off of the eternal flame on Jerry Falwell's grave...
I'm not sure that our 12-years-ago-high-school-"relationship," and 179 texts in the last 4 hours is gonna be enough to squeeze a naked smartphone picture of me. I'm gonna need some chicken wings or Makers Mark before that starts happening.
First thing that comes on in the morning is kanye's I can't hold my liquor. yeezus lives.
My roommate is downstairs drunk, smoking, and listening to a self help DVD. Please dear God don't let this be the Ghost of Christmas Future.
I've orgasmed four times in the past 24 hours. And my mom's dropping off cookies later
Xanax and cookies, it's good to be home
I don't care if he's the coolest coworker, if he's living in his mom's basement at 30 you should not buy drugs from him
Well I thought I saw everything and then I saw Christmas themed poop bags at Petco.
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