Today at work while talking to my co-worker we both realized at the same time that last year I had a one night stand with his roommate and he was in the living room drinking coffee when I did the walk of shame. YAY.
I just creeped all your pictures on Facebook -- it was like I watched you grow up right before my eyes.
just paid a stripper to have a minute conversation about the arizona game WTF
You seemed more interested in the queso dip than you were in the hand job
Of course... Double fistin nati light cuz the powers out and it cuts down the times i gotta open the fridge... Genius
Guess the answer to the last 2 texts right and you'll get a boob shot tonight. Guess wrong and it will be a picture of a used, boogery kleenex.
Yes and yes. Got taken to a Florida strip club. I desperately want to flood my eyes and ears with hand sanitizer right now.
I say "glasses of whiskey" like I didn't chug it out of the bottle
I woke up with a meat pie in my hand and my mouth tasting like an ashtray. I'm a catch, really!
You've created a tinder dominating monster.
If I was banging all the guys that people think I am, I'd quit buying batteries.
Ok, not to minimize the significance of that beautiful anecdote from your childhood, but here's a video of my penis.
Had a dream we were competing for tomatos.
Ill try not let guys feel my boobs for free drinks next time, no promises tho. I am my boyfriends worst nightmare.
If I die tonight, you and your brother can split my money evenly for college only.
all $38?
Randomize
