I asked my mom, she said yes...but you have to shower with grandpa.
the trash is collected at 5:50 on mondays. i was up puking all night and heard them
champagne bombs. Yes, i think that is where things may have gotten out of control.
She insisted on fucking on the futon mattress on the floor, answered the phone call from her boyfriend who was on his way to pick her up, and then had the audacity to ask if I was clean
Listen, it's not like I meant to bust the window out. It just sort of happened. And I'm also sorry for stealing your dads bandanas.
She wants to practice her harmonica skills on my penis
I'm so in the Halloween spirit, I zombified my all of my nudes on my phone. Tell me this isn't creative.
Ask her if it hurt when she broke through earths crust as she ascended from hell
I take pride in being a married 31 year old who sleeps on her best friend's bathroom floor from time to time.
He yelled "Go Ducks" while he came
Hahaha perfect. Let's start stopping drinking tomorrow
Nothing says you made great Saturday night choices like someone's dick that you don't remember, poking you in the ass Sunday morning.
I think the moment she woke up butt naked on a mattress with her phone still on her face was the point she knew last night was fucked up
I'm high on the exercise bike at the gym. I feel like Lance Armstrong
I love that you put so much thought and effort into your nudes
I don't send half assed nudes. Go big or go home.
Randomize
