How do you jack off and text at the same time?
On my iPhone they have an app for that
I am officially superior to you. I said "Go Go Gadget Dick" before I fucked her. I dare you to beat that.
i can't, i'm blowing bubbles in class and getting credit for it
We got a party bus for the nite. I found out the hard way why stripper poles are meant for girls.
Dude we need to petition the city about running buses later, none of my booty calls own cars
both the worst and best vomit ever... it was extra chunky and thick cause of the sausage... but it also tasted like delicious sausage... also cause of the sausage
Taking shots out of pine wood derby trophiesssssss. best idea ever.
I think u should go home and go to bed. If u get arrested in the Ohio river u go to jail in Kentucky. Nobody wants to go to jail in KY.
Oh just chilling alone with a stranger baby while everyone else clambakes the bathroom. Probation is the reason there is bad things in the world.
I took shots of absinthe with my mom just now. Except awful things.
I bought new panties to console myself ... you know, because I am going to lose my ovaries. Well, if I don't die of a heart attack first. But at least when the EMS folks find me, I'll be finely dressed from the waist down.
After what I experienced at 6am this morning, all I can say is chew your noodles thoroughly.
I need a genital shamwow being this wet.
They cut me off when I tried to pee in the corner of the bar.
I found half a candy bar in my bra today... Melted to my nipple. What a mess. It was still good though.
Randomize
