fun fact: cucumber in vinegar with pepper = best ever high snack
All I know is it had something to do with a plunger and tuna salad. I'm done. I'm quitting my job.
Tbell employee was shuffling through my bag, calling off each item i ordered to make sure it was all there. I stopped him halfway through with "guy, don't worry, I'm high as shit, I'll eat anything."
the girl next to me in class just threw up in a waterbottle during our exam.
At chipotle, there's a bachelorette party starting out the night here, i'm going to let you imagine what the bride to be looks like
i'm using my hot pot to make jello shots in a muffin tin. i'm never ever graduating.
you spent 5 minutes trying to open an empty PBR and kept saying "don't worry i'll get it i've been working out"
I just found a babydoll head in my sink where we ripped it off and did shots out of it.
I want to have a prehistoric party. By that, I mean I want to dress up as a dinosaur and get drunk. That's all I want in life.
Some guy just bought a handle of cuervo, a curling iron, and a power drill. Paid with a jar of change. I'm torn between avoiding him and befriending him..
You know those creepy dolls that look like they are watching you from anywhere in the room? It was like that, but with his penis...
100% truth: never tied someone to a bed using 4 pairs of sweatpants before
I've had more jaegerbombs than I can count on 3 fingers
It was 16 hours of liver killing mistake making goodness
Is it weird to smoke a bong with a client from work?
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