i was so high last night that i actually googled "how to get un high"
if you ask that question again our friendship is over
I KNOW you don't honestly think you can pay me back in lotto tickets.
We hooked up. It felt slightly wrong considering he is my foreign exchange student but there's a reason America imports. Foreigners got the goods.
I guess when I black out I feel that it's not inappropriate to grope my gf in front of her parents.... But hey at least I'm starting off 2013 single
But for real, I had the best sex of my life on that bunk bed
My very favorite thing in the whole world is when guys try to booty call her as I'm fucking her. Sucks to suck.
She had pubes that could make an episode of Duck Dynasty. Fear the Vag Beard
40 year old guy made out with me last night while I had French fries in my mouth
He texts me "just to say hi" and then tells me how hard he is and sends me a dick pic. And I'm like, dude, I'm ordering a burrito right now
I need to immerse myself in a tub of peroxide to kill whatever traces of him are on me.
The sorting hat of life was not kind to you.....
I just want to hook up with Ed Sheeran. Why does it have to be so difficult?
Ok next time we are filming it. You bring the camera and I'll buy more socks
I told you that we shouldn't have sex. You said "its okay I already saw you pee" apparently that was convincing
thank you for the vibrator recommendation, i've come six times today and it's only noon
Randomize
