I'm just that much of a man that I can watch Ellen and Oprah back to back and still like girls.
im using old socks as coasters. im going to make a great housewife.
So im using the back of a keystone box as notecard for my presentation
The bartender just told me he would have me face down in his pillow by the end of the night. I hate when you make me go to gay clubs.
Took an impromptu nap on the floor of a starbucks bathroom using my backpack as a pillow. Please tell me you have been this hungover
We broke the shower door. Completely off. His roommates were not happy but I sure was
When boys buy condoms it makes me feel proud of their mothers for doing a good job
It started with jello shots. It ended with tears.
bah. we'll see. don't give yourself a boner of false hope.
He asked me if I wanted to play "Edouard Mandevan," turns out that's French for Edward Winehands
Keep it up. It gets easier when you turn 21. Something happens in people's brains when they turn 21 and all of a sudden you have the power to drink constantly and abuse drugs and still graduate with good grades and your shit together. Im almost positive I read it in my freshman year bio textbook
She is currently drunk and caressing my professor's face with one hand.
I'm worried because he hasn't removed it.
Not only did my parents pick me up from his hotel room in the morning, but he also came outside and had a casual little chat with my dad through the driver's side windrow.
I hooked up with Spider-Man on the hood of Santas car. I kept saying that he could shoot his web at me. Also I found Waldo. Overall good night.
he went down on me and a few minutes later he asked to show me a magic trick. then he pulled a quarter out of my vagina
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