operation "beaches make me wet" is a go
Please stop sending me picture messages of your shit. Seriously. I don't care if it looks like popcorn chicken.
I hate to tell you this, but your sister reeks of whore.
Does slim fast make a chocolate heart for valentines? If so that's what she's getting.
This show inspires me to have sex in space
I'm wearing boardshorts as underwear to work. This is bachelorhood
I want to apologize in advance for texting you a picture of my penis tonight.
Wearing the flip cup varsity team sweatshirt was the best descision of my life.
I already ran out of vodka but I have more beer. I just ran naked into the high school party down the street as took all theirs. ...figured no one wants to tackle the naked guy..
He bought me a burrito. I introduced him as "Horse-Dicked Jake" all night. My debt has been repaid.
we found him passed out on the baseball field with two 40oz and wearing a tophat.
Where did he get the tophat?
I woke up with a meat pie in my hand and my mouth tasting like an ashtray. I'm a catch, really!
I told him I wanted to fuck him and he hasn't texted me back in 4 days...am I missing something
I swear if you laugh while im moaning i will immediately stop and go home.
I may just have to resign myself to life in flats. He's a sexy little chipmunk that worships me.
Randomize