how come everytime i call mom shes doing tequila shots
Idk how she did it. Either she watches freakier porn than I do, or I really need to go get tested.
Turns out shot glasses hold the perfect serving of sour patch kids....I still fail to see how not having any real glasses is an issue
i look like a southern belle. however, i am around a million kegs. so i will be a southern shitshow.
You had one beer and one beer can full of vodka and you took a huge gulp of one of them and called it Emily Roulette
We fucked through the entire Destiny's Child album, it was a beautiful thing.
Seriously? You DON'T remember putting all those Swedish fish in the waffle iron b/c you wanted "One big Swedish fish?" That waffle iron was a wedding gift.
No it was good. I serenaded the holding cell occupants with a fabulous rendition of Making Love out of Nothing at all. It was fucking amazing!
Neighbour is sobbing. Difficult to masturbate.
I woke up with a dick pic from the ex-Mormon via email. Not really what I wanted to see before my first cup of coffee this morning, but I gotta say, I'm impressed.
Summers almost over and we haven't golfed, got naked or had sex yet. Let's do all three in one day, no particular order.
We always have to do something together that tests the human limits of the body. Hopefully it has at least a 75% death rate.
The night they met I slept with both of them. Of course I'm best man.
Sorry about peeing on your phone last night
Sexual side note: sushi and cum do not mix well. That is all.
Randomize
