i feel like a thai whore the morning after the navy left.
im so glad i don't have to work tomorrow. I'm spendin all night on the new call of duty.
Wow. That's the gayest thing you ever said.
Look man i'm staying in playing videogames and growing a beard. Its not like i'm trying to get a girlfriend.
i just found a cheeto on my floor and ate it. i might still be drunk.
Literally been drinking for 10 hours. Hammered. Roasted chestnuts fell out of my shirt earlier.
I got kicked out because I puked again I'm on the fire truck outside
All I need is the Internet and a place to drink.
I woke up with a black eye, bruised knuckles, wearing women's clothing, in a house I did not recognize, next to a solid 9. Thank you for making 21 special.
Twist to Josh's story, he had a gyro in his hand and never dropped it even after he got knocked the fuck out
I think he should just go away to a small penis island and never come back
new dating motto: let your guard down, not your panties
I never thought I'd have to apologize for tasting like absinthe and cheetos before tonight
Just saw my ex AGAIN. The constellation of gays must be at some sort of weird point with Mercury.
also I was promised more toga parties by popular media
Well I typed "penicillin a" into the search engine and before I could finish "penicillin and drinking" popped up. Google knows me too well.
I should never have to text my best friend asking if she eloped again last night.
Randomize
