my ass hurt today after the party last night. I wnt to the doctors and they found a coin in a ziplock bag with a note from you. WHAT THE FUCK DID U DO TO ME???
she then came into the room and yelled I'M GOING TO BE A COCK BLOCK for 5 minutes
There's a man in a pair of gray footie pajamas and a paper crown watching the kids at the playground. It was easier to tell who was a pedophile before Where the Wild Things Are came out.
He had a huge mole on his dick. Genetics has cockblocked him for life.
headbutted the bartender, tried to bite the bouncer, and pissed on a cops shoes. and i still got laid. god, it's good to be home
Someone changed my text signature to "Also, I think I might be gay" last night. Also, I think I might be gay
She tried to lure me back to her house by saying she had "real" pizza.
i love you. like a brother. a brother that i had sex with more than once.
So here i am dipping ice cream in my vodka and watching the bad girls club on demand. This is not ok
His new job just became new places to have sex at.
Ive consumed more rum studying for law school finals than I did that time I fucked that fat chick in the back of VW Beetle. It's all ugly, but for different reasons.
Tis the season to puke in grandma's bathroom
After much deliberatipn and vodka, my favourite phrase of Christmas 2012 is "penis of last resort"
I don't know if I want context or not...
Context involves faux incest and champagne. Id go into detail but im on shot number 5.
This is my last chance to be the first person to fall off this roof.
They gave me 4 meds at the health center and said not to take alcohol with any of them. Guess ill wait until tomorrow to feel better.
Randomize