I think I just saw the travelocity gnome in leather chaps.
I couldn't get internet on my iPod in this hotel room for porn, so I made due with UFC.
I'm not sure what to say to that.
Jason Williams (yeah the ex-nets center...) drunkenly told me that, while drinking, I should take an ambien and a cialis before i go home...that will "give me a 25 minute window to have sex and then goto sleep before the bitch starts bothering me"....
The bouncer asked you what your sign was and u replied "syracuse"
Let's get back to talking about you giving me a blow job.
so i don't know how many beers it takes to make a recliner look like a toilet, but that's how many i had.
My boyfriend just sent me flowers. I am now crying at the fact i fucked my fat neighbor. God please help me.
I don't think anybody else enjoys making out with multiple guys on the same night as much as I do. I'm like a wine taster but with lips... it's like art to me. The bruise on my upper lip is proof of it
Just woke up next to a girl with 30 hot dogs in my bed. Vodka you win again.
IF I CAN STICK YOUR DICK IN MY MOUTH, I CAN STICK MY GUM ON YOUR NIGHTSTAND.
So stoned i forgot i was in bed
you didn't want to pay for the shots so you negotiated with the bartenders. Apparently 1 shot is worth 5 seconds of motor-boating you.
You wanna know what I want to eat? Questionable Mexican food before I go drink. Makes for excitement. Will I puke it up or shit my pants
Why does 10AM Spanish always turn into a discussion about my sex life?
Periods are much less exciting when you're not sexually active.
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