I'm in your bed right now
Okay meet you there give me 10
Don't think you can make me leave either
Give me ten I ha e to be ******'s wingman I want you
dude do u know what u did last night?
do i wanna know???
you totally walked in on some couple fuckin in their unlocked dorm room asking for directions to ur room...
she was laying naked in the stream looking for "ribbays", which is apparently drunk for frogs.
just tell her a well fed dog doesnt stray far from the porch, and if that doesnt work just keep fucking her sisters
there were staples in my comforter. what kind of sex did we even have?
I just got a msg from someone saved in my phone as "gouiys stAndingg nezxt me not oz". Omh my life.
He also gave me two gold stars for sex. On my nipples.
My chest smells like french fries. Get at me attractive men.
Is re-gifting a Valentine's Day present worse than re-gifting a Xmas one?
You're unbelievable, unbelievably awesome.
My sheer presence has sent the hipsters running in terror. I expect no problems.
I don't know which I need first...a shower or a confessional.
They made up a new version of "Smash or Pass" called "I would(n't) let you sit on my face" to yell at the freshman
Would it be weird if I bought knee pads and shin guards to fuck in my car?
Pooping to opera.
Very mixed signals tonight. He gave me the best handjob while gloating about the Superbowl to his dad on the phone. When he was done he left me on the sofa alone for ten minutes before returning with wet wipes beer and nachos.
Randomize
