Taylor Swift is so right about you.
Apparently I farted on her in my sleep. Then, just to be sure she was cool, I did it again on purpose and she didnt say anything. So, WIN?
kill, fuck, marry: alice cullen, hermione granger, ginny weasley.
damn... fuck alice for sure, I feel bad but i think I have to say marry ginny... and kill hermoine! I can't believe I'm answering this right now.
I don't know which is worse: knowing all the free porn websites, or knowing which days they update their free porn.
I am tired of kissing girls with mustaches.
No He hasn't done that since the time he came in his own eye
Okay good. I don't want another mom thinking I got their daughter pregnant.
She's drinking vodka out of a windex bottle. She is spraying it in her mouth and at strangers.
I was trying to chase her off the carpet, but now there are figure-eights of cat vomit. everywhere
You just stood up, raised your glass and said, "I'd like to thank the academy" then fell through a glass table. THAT'S why we cut you off.
He fingered me in a Waffle House bathroom and then stole a traffic cone. Is this love that I'm feeling?
I’m almost positive this girl is drinking a mojito in class right now, if so she’s my new hero
I don't give a fuck that he's gay and keeps hitting on me. Free cocaine is free cocaine bro
You spilt a drink on my couch, then used my dog to mop it up... you called her a mop dog, repeatedly
I complemented his smile, he sends me a dick pic. Seriously?
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