your room smells of hookers.
And success
The good thing about walking home in a dress on sunday morning is that people mistake my walk of shame as a walk to God.
Writing a book: The Evolution of the Douche Bag: From Popped Collars to Ed Hardy Shirts. Doing research now.
Make sure you include chapters on white sunglasses, spray tans, and toxic amounts of hair gel.
When my kids ask how I lost my virginity Im going to have to tell them of a mythical thing called "Myspace" and how strangers could lure you into their "den of love" thanks to clever quotes and graphics
I promise you I could read that dogs mind, he was arguing with the other dog saying he knows how fucked up I am
found her sleeping in the closet. woke her up and she said she was camping.
I'm sorry to inform you but your friends with benefits card has expired has the beginning of the year. If you wish to renew your card you must submit a picture of a fully erect penis. Please note that not all request for a FWB card is accepted.
Dental hygienist just pulled two flakes of glitter out. And asked me how i've been doing with the divorce.
Pretty sure I can show you the text you sent me stating some interest in my penis entering your mouth if said circumstances were met.
No, fuck buddies don't get birthday party privledges...
Sorry.
I could probably do something when Im able to get enough strength to think about thinking about to stand.
I'm like the kid who wants his birthday and christmas equally. Every time I get one I want the other. Only I don't want holidays I want brothers
I AM OBSESSED WITH PORCHES. YOU ARE OBSESSED WITH PORCHES. HOW IS THIS REAL?
Please tell me you aren't concussed from dancing on the stripper pole
You went on the date? His pickup line was I swear I'm not a serial killer and you went on the date???
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