My mom caught just caught me jerking off...in her room.
She announced her abortion via fbk
Todays lesson: Chew your food better when your drunk. I almost choked throwing up this morning.
it's been like two and a half months. And I swear, I keep seeing walking dicks. I think I'm going crazy cause of lack of sex..
What hospital were we in last night? Insurance needs to know
i just woke up to a text from him apologizing for making me eat a full lemon
Think about if the incredible hulk and king kong had a retarded baby. That's the sound she made in my ear the entire time I fucked her.
Oh my god. I'm not ready to be an adult. I'm not ready.
I dont think getting to 3rd base with a girl you barely know is the type of memory they had in mind when they named the park "memorial park"
I've now spilled wine and got poptarts all over my cast. So much for my doc taking me seriously...
When we pulled over so you could pee, you made us stand over you and "make a roof"
So... I woke up on a bench with a honey bun on my chest.
Did this whole conversation happen while you were shitting?
He keeps singing a song about someone called the dayman.
....fighter of the Nightman?
I just balanced a full glass of chocolate milk on my left boob. Don't think i've ever been more proud.
Randomize