Any girl that compares her vag to a hot ham sandwich is beyond a slut
SURVIVED FINALS. CAN'T DIE FROM ALCOHOL POISONING. NOTHER SHOT. CAPS.
Oh, and that ugly chick transformed into a veritable goddess when she came back at 3AM with a handle of vodka and 100 chicken wings
Seriously my only wish tonight is to be at the club in a sombrero w my shirt off pouring tequila on bitches titties
Last time i carry you out of a forest
Got a minor my first day of college from the bike police. I'm gonna like it here
If I stopped drinking I'd have to take up murdering.
I'm sorry you're hurting. Would a picture or my erect penis help?
So I was walking to the bathroom and some random dude threw up while walking towards me. He kept eye contact the entire time and didn't stop moving.
I jumped the fence at the bar last night. My dress got stuck and I ended up flashing the entire patio for a good 30 seconds.
At the 10 second mark everyone started to whistle and cheer. Free drinks all night
Do I masturbate or eat a pound of matazah. Alissa help what do I do??
Stop thinking about me and go on your date... at least I got the glitter off your face first.
My son's girlfriend just thanked me for having good penis genes.
Were we still high when we decided to break your leg?
Hey? Just a hypothetical. You ever accidentally kill somebody's cat on purpose? Like you didn't mean to but it had it coming? If you're wondering it tripped me while I was walking down the stairs and I landed on it as I fell.
Randomize
