I think I saw a glimmer of recognition, but she must not have been able to make me out through all of her whorishness.
how do u look a man in the eye when u own both his daughters V-Cards?
even iPhones love lady gaga. everytime I type haha it trys to correct it to gaga. this is bullshit...
taking a shot every time they compare curling to a real sport
Training to be a housewife: cleaning the house and masturbating while cookies are in the oven.
he drunk texted me to give me his number with the message "i gotchu pretty eyeso" i can't tell if he's complimenting me or himself.
I swear to Christ if it turns out to be an intervention, i will set you on fire.
When you and Blake get an apartment I want you to buy this Costco couch I'm currently passing out on.
I just had to take my laptop away from him because he was on Amazon and had 20 Seahawks garden gnomes in his cart.
She loves introducing her friends to my foreskin.
I'd rather blow Nickelback than be told he gave me gonorrhea. I'd even post it on Facebook for all of the world to like, share, and judge me.
It also means I'm watching porn with mario earphones so i can hear. Possibly the best way to mastrabate EVER
90% sure the total babe I have been talking to all night has a kid. Ugh, so sad right now.
Im so high
You tore a poster off a lamppost and ATE IT. That drunk.
The Adderall says yes, but my body says no.
Randomize
