dont ever smoke after you drink again... i dont think ive ever seen...or heard of someone throwing up and farting at the same time. that is, if you were farting.
so my aunt is sitting on the couch, eating a brownie and watching the biggest loser saying how it's not that hard to eat healthy
man i love america
the last thing i remember was trying to convince him to call over his girlfriend so we could have a threesome
When she showed me how she could touch her toes without bending her knees, suddenly her face didn't worry me quite as much.
after taking her first shot and having her first random hook up she finally feels like she is ready for college
she has no idea
I tried carrying you from the bathroom to your bed and you begged me to bring the toilet too
Just to be safe, you should be prepared to jump out of a second story window
First and foremost she's my friend, but she's also a mistake I make when I'm drunk
Almost there.
define "almost". like I have enough time to watch a youtube video or oh shit, put on some goddamn pants because they're in the driveway.
its just been over 12 hours, and i`m dying, don`t know how i`m supposed to survive the holidays sexless
I need a genital shamwow being this wet.
after stripping the bed and soaking it with the "pet spot remover" I have, I decided in the best interest of my mattress and our drunk friends bladders, i should invest in rubber sheets.
Getting a lap dance from a girl you went to high school with really isn't as awkward as you'd think
And she called me out by name, nothing could have made it more awkward but it ended up not being that bad
I walked in the kitchen and heard her saying "We could have been so good together" as she caressed an egg with her cheek.
Just got an x-ray done of my hip and you can clearly see the outline of my penis in it. When the doctor saw it she said "wow I haven't seen one that big on an x-ray before." Pretty sure the doc and the nurses are going to be talking about me on their lunch break.
Randomize
