there are seriously like six guinea pigs in my bathtub right now
Old lady caught me peeing in the street and yelled at me and said "I REBUKE YOU"
You can't find true love with Budweiser and a futon
This guy randomly got in our taxi, and has now collapsed on the sofa anouncing that he's staying the night.
I take it we used my cleavage as a pen holder last night during the graffiti party. Looks like the colours of Crayola exploded all over my chest
Now I can say "look me up on Pornhub."
And there was a legally blind kid in a ref costume doing surprisingly well at beer pong who was passing out business cards
How do you initiate sexting are u supposed to be like yo I'm peeing and eating a clif bar and texting and thinking about you naked all at the same time
i knew it was love when she pulled a beer out from between her boobs and offered it to me
Walking towards a police car with full spotlights on you while being fully erect..awkward exp. for both parties
There's a cute bearded guy at this brew fest wearing a kilt and selling mead
TELL HIM ABOUT MY DOWRY!!!
You put a bag of sliced onions in the microwave then screamed, "voila, onion rings!"
thats all i want out of life, to get high and watch weiner dog races
in your professional opinion, what's the most elegant way of saying "sorry I spent all night flirting with you, I thought you were gay" ?
Because, after all, nothing quite says life in 2020 than doing laundry at 9:40 on a Friday morning to make sure you have masks and underwear.
Randomize
