There are just some things I refuse to put in my mouth.
Dude WTF? His teammate just started talkin to me on fb! Am I walking around with a "I like to f**k gators" on my forehead?
No, it just says ur easy
U know its gonna be a great day when the guy at the liquor store waves at u cause u walked by
she was bad bro. like...id rather put my dick in a blender. twice.
here I sit at Southern Illinois' finest pubs and I thought I heard your laugh. I was sadly astonished to turn and find a midget cracking herself up reading the label on her can of chewing tobacco...
If she doesnt understand your inherent need to teabag an emo chick, do you really want to be with her?
Bring single women, or taken women who are unhappy with their relationships, or women who are happy with their relationships but have low moral standards, or women who just like to remove clothing when drunk (relationship status is unimportant for this option)
isn't that the guy who always buys you drinks?
yeah. i love a man who still buys me drinks after the bar cuts me off.
next time on intervention
Being with her was like shitty sexual fear factor big ass sausage nipples over sized outty belly button i was scared and drunk tell know one
I donkey kicked that mother fucker. Never stood a chance.
It was a door. A completely inanimate object, of course it didn't stand a chance you idiot.
Apparently when the cops arrived I was standing over him in the bathroom yelling, get the fuck up you piece of shit. Beer still in hand.
"What's your dick like homie" is not really an acceptable thing to say out loud
Lol he touched my butt after his grad party and a shooting star went by. No kidding. My ass is mystical.
Please tell your friend to stop shitting in my closet.
We're like a married couple, but we only have sex on college holidays and other people's birthdays.
Randomize
