I don't even have to turn the heat on in my car. Just fart the whole way home.
And it was confirmed to me that I did in fact cut my girlfriend out of her dress with my sword.
This is the first time I have ever hoped it's poison ivy on my cock
There's a picture of you on facebook laying in the street with 3 cops standing over you after you faceplanted off that guy's shoulders.
Is that what happened to my face?!
she tied the funnel to the fucking ceiling...
Remember when we used to go to the bathroom to do drugs together? Now it's to help you with your spanx.
Don't mind me. My boyfriend is carrying me because I'm broken not because I'm drunk.
It's not even 9:30 yet..
Walk of shame: Easter Edition. He is risen.
I'm trying to poop and took acid, this is going to end horrid or wonderful. Oh the amusement park, not the pooping.
I see your creepy poodle photo and raise you a shirtless elderly gentleman who looks like a yetti in cutoffs who may or may not have an ENORMOUS erection.
.... touche....
I smoked my last bong as the sun rose. It was magical.
He passed out before we could have sex. I had no choice but to use his boner to hold my onion rings.
Our sex from this weekend should be engraved into a plaque or commemorated somehow. It was fucking amazing.
So, random question. How much should you tip a Lyft driver when you realized you've fucked his sister? Asking for a friend.
What did you do with the dog when you went into the club?
coat checked
Randomize
