You're my little dorito
I feel like tequila is Gods way of lighting my fuse to do something awesome
nothing like Chinese food and masturbating on a Saturday night
Just had to pull out another loan to pay for that public drunkenness citation. I am so ready to graduate.
New rule : you aren't allowed anything . Ever .
We have to use a contraceptive. God help the world if another one of us comes into fruition.
My phone now knows what I type and it prompts me with frequently used words. And anytime I use "and" and hit the space key two of the words are "unicorn" and "sausage"
Sorry I dragged you across a parking lot
she fascinated with the iron the back of the toilet seat. she made me sit in the bathroom with her for a solid 10 minutes while she just stared and laughed at it
If I were you I'd use my green card to do more coke and less talking
I am pretty damn sure that neither my body or his body is ready for how drunk I am getting tonight
Everybodys gonna want to make out w me dressed as big bird
Big bird is like some childhood daddy fantasy come true for carnival
no body wants to do anything today cause it's too cold, but a guy can only masturbate so many times a day. Ya know
just woke up to an abnormally swollen ankle (broken, perhaps?) and a shirtless man with the most beautiful abs I've ever seen sleeping on my floor.
is your ankle ok??
WHY IS HE ON THE FLOOR. SINCE WHEN DOES BLACKOUT ME ALSO COCKBLOCK ME
We're sitting on the kitchen floor drinking and talking about mounting real light sabers to the dog's head.
Randomize
