I just masturbated at work. Does that make me a prostitute since i just technically got paid to have sex?
I feel like a panda just shit rainbows on my mind
If he eats mayonnaise, he's not getting laid. End of story.
im sure we could have fun without alcohol but i just dont wanna chance it...
i have more money on itunes than i do in my bank account... college.
Whatever is fine with me, as long as I am dressed in green and end up shitfaced.
does anyone know how to get red sharpie out of a white cat?
I bruised my spine.. Jungle gyms were clearly not meant for sex.
it was like a congratulatory penis slap
If you are drunk already, then as your friend I am advising you to stop writing on your dads Facebook wall
He broke into my house just to tell me the door was locked.
Honestly, this is a first for me. I've always prided myself on my ability to pretend to get along with others.
Who told you that acid and Jurassic World was a good idea?
dont remember, but I'm pretty sure I was convinced that the hybrid dinosaur was satan the whole time. It was actually very spiritual
you said something about joining a k-pop band before passing out topless on the trampoline.
I basically go to him for great dick and great memes.
Randomize
