Turns out I'm like the Wayne Gretzky of hiding cum. Who knew?
There is a mermaid on oprah and she looks nothin like ariel
Night out in new white coat = success. Offered free breast exams all night, two took me up on it, woke up with one. I love medical school!!!
it's like doing a sit-up... but, you're inside someone
God that barista is texting me bout his life like i care i mean dude just hook me up with free coffee thats why i gave you my number
I just sit in the cubicle for 8 hours and do keagles.
Just did a "spirit of homecoming" bump off a stranger's credit card. A stranger that dropped us off at home. Erica's bad. How do allllll of the Eastern Europeans know how to find drugs so easily?!?
Ok so you know that's gonna be legally viewed as kidnapping, right?
Just think of your bundle of joy thats on its way. And how hes gunna rip your vagina apart
Die.
His grandma held his dogs so they wouldn't follow me out the door. It was like a whole new level added to my walk of shame.
he was making out with her against the stove and started a fire--the thirst literally almost burned the place down!!
Just had to stop myself from doing a bump on the Disney bus. The struggle is real.
After she got off the phone with her mom she sprinted down the block screaming "I'M SO GOOD AT BEING A HUMAN!!!!!!!!!!!!!"
I came and sneezed at the same time. Words can't describe how awesome it was.
She asked me to tell her the three words every girl wants to hear so I whispered "I play hockey" in her ear.
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