I literally just watched a girl motorboat herself
he told me I talked like a deaf person
I bought the tickets, he brought the weed. thanks to you, we had to roll a joint out of my bible paper.
The Fresno prostitute seemed offended all I wanted from her was directions back to the freeway.
Okay good. And who the fuck put a condom on my foot. That shit hurt
Jazzercise themed birthday pub crawl. 6 bars in 6 hours.everyone was a hot mess.
Day #3 of being the only sober person at the bar. This is depression.
The stoned girl at the dining hall just handed me a single chicken wing and insisted that she's "unable to procure more rations"
Theres a point where you stop and say hey....as high as I am on LSD right now ...I`m just a man covered in paint
No seriously you guys are gonna get arrested
Do me a favor I want you to reach down the front of your pants and underwear and just feel around for a while... if you happen to find your balls then join us
Just realized I'm still chewing the same gum post blow job. This Stride shit really has everlasting flavor. They should totally have an ad campaign based on blow jobs.
You bring me burritos. Of course I text you during sex
IF YOU HAVE THE CHANCE TO HIT THAT, AND YOU DON'T, I WILL FUCKING CRUCIFY YOU.
You're such a supportive sister.
But I don't see you as the jesus riding a dinosaur with a machine gun type of guy
Walking back to my car from the campus library and just saw a Nuva Ring on the sidewalk. If that doesn't scream college life, idk what does.
Randomize