WTF?! TAYLOR SWIFT JUST WON ARTIST OF THE YEAR OVER MICHAEL JACKSON?! WHAT IS THIS WORLD COMING TO?!
I should have been more specific when I asked for 8 inches.
I'm having sex on a snuggie, yes i stopped to text you
We convinced him to snort an altoid. We should not be allowed to drink together
My lips are red and swollen. Solid proof that giving head is a viable alternative to lipstick and plumper.
I don't care if I just threw up. You kiss me now. This is marriage.
Dude. I might have just seen some porn i wasnt ready to see. The chicks were so old.
OMG CHARGE YOUR PHONE I NEED TO KNOW IF THIS IS A GOOD PICTURE OF MY ASS
I feel as bad as you right now. I'm about to use one girls car to go see another one
Fuck ya. But normally I drove one girls car picking up a different girl while texting another girl lol
I'm at the local community college pretending to be a substitute for a computer applications class
Any story that involves the words "bloody hand job" and/or "sliced penis" is bound to be a good one, right?
He congratulated me by offering up free orgasms.. I told him I also had a birthday last month we needed to celebrate.. He was there in ten minutes.
His new girl is probably classy and boring. I bet she doesn't feed him sour patch kids while she wiggles his weiner.
We need to stop going on dates to the strip club.
like honestly, the vodka had to go somewhere, and your moms soap dispenser just seemed right at the time..
Randomize
