Woke up to a denim duvet cover this morning... why r guys so tacky?
how did we ever eat at restaurants where they DIDNT squirt-gun tequila in our mouths?
Ummmm yeah ..,.. All three girlfriends I have right now are chatting with each other at the party...... I'll see you on the other side
Rent Disney Oceans. Smoke a bowl. Fast forward to the seal section. Then call me.
So befoe we go on this mission how reliable are you for bailing peope out of jail
i just figured out how to balance my wine bottle on my boobs so that i don't have to tip it with my hands...breathing has new meaning
I always enjoy the bewildered gaze as I buy chips, salsa and beer @ 0745.
I'm pretty sure the guy in front of me at Walmart doesn't have good plans. It's one am he is buying a flash light and black bandanna
I found a picture of me as a little kid with nothing on except a towel covering one of my nipples and I'm glaring at the camera. Literally nothing has changed except I have boobs now
dude, i just accidentally flashed your mom. BIG TIME.
I guess that's what I get for clicking on a link that says clown penis.
THIS MOTHERFUCKING ROOSTER
IT KEEPS CHASING ME BACK IN THE HOUSE
FUCK THIS BIRD
First of all she starred talking about God which immediately killed my buzz
I'm just going to take a nap and hope I wake up more attractive.
I'm at the drive thru window, five minutes out. If the bathtub is empty or you're dressed when I arrive I'm not sharing.
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