Taking a 35 year old indonesian home, only in vegas ;-)
just met our mailman at a party, he asked me out. i said yes, but only if he picks me up in the mail truck. how jealous are you
apparently vodka and oj turns green when you throw it up
basic color theory
his mom and I have the same butterfly tramp stamp. don't ask how that came up
Any day you don't mysteriously wake up in the garbage is a good day.
He said my labia gave my vagina a "cute personality"
Any recommendations for how to tell your wife about the pics of her 19 yr old sister on a porn site without admitting you were surfing said porn site?
at one point, i told him to buy you a pumpkin spice latte and uggs because you're a common white girl and that's how he should get you in bed
fuck Derek. I choose weed. weed isn't angry and would never ask me to be someone I'm not.
I literally cut myself out of my pants. What is my life.
driving home hungover today was like a life test..it was like the goblet of fire
Wow. Ok who would waste Game 7 ticket on kids?!
Poor parenting at its best
Nothing says I'm doing some sketchy shit like coming out of your bedroom with your underwear inside out
did i tell you guys i finally 69’d for the first time last night? just thought the group chat should know.
So my best friends wedding ended with everyone seeing me getting eaten out behind the forbes church. Classy!
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