They have glow in the dark condoms. That's so scary.
Something like a penis light saber.
yo - did your mom get a boob job (I think she did)
he broke up with me so i peed in his bed
Can we just schedule bi-weekly fucks and bypass all the bullshit?
the red, white, and blue power rangers were all also in the porn buisness, good bye childhood
Sitting in the library lobby in the middle of exam week. Drunk. Dressed as santas slutty helper. Waiting for the student shuttle service. People are clapping for me as they walk by. Tell me how this isnt college
We're official. Living with your boyfriend sounds so much better than fucking your roommate.
I think he'd cut a tree down for me. He's from North Dakota. That's something hot guys do there, right?
And then he told me he was too tired for me to suck his dick. Physically and mentally too tired for me to suck his dick. What the fuck?
I just had a contest with the toilet to see who could hold their breath longest.
I won
HE GAVE ME ONE OF HIS BEERS.
YOU'RE THE CHOSEN ONE.
I'm ready to sell my soul to the strip club tonight
They took the TVs out of the gym and the mini-Mart only had 2% milk. 2015 wants me to be fat
Baruch atah adonai DAT ASS DOE
Don't forget to make sex 3rd on your calander
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