ran into someone who graduated hs with us while i was paying for booze in quarters. i love it when people from my past catch me in my classier moments.
The problem is he wears abercrombie jeans like there's nothing wrong with it
Then he told me I had the most beautiful looking vulva
Everything smells like syrup. But I guess that's better than last time when everything smelled like beer.
i'm at the st pattys day thing. the bar is packed. they just put on celine dion its all coming back to me now. i'm screaming the words.
it's 1 pm.
smelt my brothers hands when he got home to see if he lied about smoking again...he didn't lie but i definitely didn't expect to smell some other girls vagina.
French people screaming and throwing stuff out the window. We told the manager and he's pissed and going up there. This is gonna be like cops. Maybe better than cops.
if the future wants me to fuck him, then i guss i have to
looking at my texts from you makes me want to throw up in my pants
Also, if someone could cut me off before im rolling around the yard pantsless with a 40 year old lesbian that would be awesome.
Please don't smoke the bong in the bathroom while you shit. It is not a shitting bong.
That's a good 5 hours of "I have no fucking idea what I did".
When I am this hungover I become increasingly grateful for having my own private office
Just found the measuring tape in my bathroom. How drunk could I have possibly been on Saturday?!
I did stay at work til 5 but for the last hour I was just taking naked pics on my desk for some tinder guy
Randomize