he likes ron paul.... that's all i'm going to say....
Drinking mikes hard & watching the swan princess. i fucking LOVE college
My dinner last night was 3000 calories of beer. Slept kneeling on the floor w/ my head on a couch
please dont let the old guy in the wheelchair see you when you wake up
just tried to puke while my RA was trying to puke in the stall next to me.bonded for life
Don't be alarmed at the kitchen mess. I had to shoot the fire extinguisher on the toaster oven, one quick blast. It was a matter of safe over sorry.
Her idea of kinky involved a tazer
wtf?
I'm going back tonight
This girl came outta nowhere yelling HOLD MY DICKKKKKK!
Just living on dreams and a bed of used condoms
Florida has a way of just fucking with a person's soul and jizzing all over their hopes and dreams. Like existential bukkake.
I just don't fit in here. The other wives are ten years older and have kids!
Well, you chose trophy wife of a 35 year old over college. Sit in your suburban soup and stew.
Walking out of the bathroom and not knowing you have hand soap on the front of your pants so it looks like you blew a load on yourself really sets the tone for the rest of the week...
I came home with 30lbs of BBQ last night. I can't pick up women in a bar but I sure can pick up leftovers from a corporate party.
Just once, I'd like to make it to my first wedding anniversary for a change.
So unmotivated today.
Who am I kidding. So unmotivated this decade.
Randomize
