this is a family affair. You're an embarrassment.
whatever it's not my family
I think I'm maturing; i was gonna watch porn and then take a nap but i motivated myself to put my laundry in first.
You were parading around the bar chugging girls drinks and then asking them if you could buy them a drink. It was actually genius
Just wondering why in an apartment full of stoners there is half a waffle in the TRASH CAN. get ur shit together man
I wish I could save this moment forever and have sex with it regularly. Its just tht beautiful.
I took your shirt off for you after you threw up on yourself, read you the ugly duckling, and then tucked you in. you better fucking love me, jackass.
Bookstore boy and I went out, he came back here and I tried to fool around and he respects me too much blah blah I'm a predator.
I made him say "i realize i'm cheating on my girlfriend" five times aloud before i would hook up with him. Somehow that has to lessen my bad karma
I might have hooked up with a 2003 alumni last night in the basement
Dude you were ten when he graduated
Wahoowaaaaaaa
so I'm staring at this cat and wondering..is the tail of the cat the derivative of it's head?
stop getting stoned after studying for a calc final.
They have a genuine stripper pole secured to the floor of their living room. I am thoroughly take advantage of it. I've made $5 so far. Why don't more places have poles??!
He came in two seconds and stole my pizza so I'm not counting it.
There were firefighters and a fire truck up the street. I asked what was wrong and their exact words were "Just a tiny explosion; it'll be all right"
I also guarantee you multiple orgasams and blueberry pancakes
He's hot, clean, can actually cook, and best of all isn't a narcissistic prick. I found a unicorn.
Ride that fucker.
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