ok shes still asleep, should i pee on her and say she did it herself? and by the time you respond to this ill probably have already made the decision
Y'know, without the cops, it would've just been us daydrinking,
Sometimes i wish my penis was detachable that way i could take it off sometimes so i wouldnt get into these situations
You know it's time to cut back when your unemployed drug dealer roommate tells you that you party too hard.
This place smells like bottom shelf liquor and broken dreams
Every time I think about it I can feel His toe in my mouth and I gag, I'm scarred for life.
Turns out the average person our age has never run from the cops. Life: we're doing it right.
I found a half composed text to you this morning and all it said was HELP M. Is that how I ended up at the bottom of the stairwell in only a tee-shirt and one heel?
considering I never received the text I would go with 'yes'.
I'm sorry I came to your house drunk and fed pizza to your dog.
I just had sex in the men's bathroom of a Chinese buffet...
YOU ARE MY HERO
I woke up to an alarm on my phone that said "Buy Plan B" and then the guy offered me a hairbrush... which seemed polite at the time
Dad just asked me to breathalyze grandma
I just saw a guy in a zippo shirt buy 2 gallons of fire starter fluid and then proceed to smoke a cigarette. I feel like hes got some big plans for his tuesday.
I remember that. We went to taco bell looking for pizza.
Only you would make Mario Party a contact sport.
And you owe me a new pair of switch controllers.
Randomize
