Just had to open a tuna can with a spoon. Gave me a sense of hunting for my own food.
I'm so tired of dating women who lie about their age. You show up feeling like you need to follow them around with a dust pan and a broom.
this is a mass text: i just made a grilled cheese with an iron and pasta with the coffeemaker in the hotel room. bow before your new god.
You know whats sad? As I walk past the campus daycare i cant help think, look at those drunk mistakes
This is a dangerous game of "whose life is more pathetic".
Leave it to him to get us kicked out of a bar for hitting on an 80 year old woman. I want to be that wasted one day.
Its like every time I go out with you, it always involves Serbian chicks and taco bell and you always manage to get both all over my bed.
I am never taking advice from you again. The high heels in the shower were a bad idea. I orgasmed and almost drowned.
Take advantage man but know that every anal bead u drop inside her will make her love u 2% more. It's science
Guys with integrity exist just to rain on my slut parade.
i like feelif swiord YOU ARE A GOD
So wise, so handsome, so good at oral sex.
If I die, sorry about rent.
Made it to my hair appointment on time, and got some dick. Today is already a great day
We were fucking in the bedroom then we heard Sports center on in the living room. He stopped midfuck when I started celebrating that my team won over his
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