If you don't sleep with him after showing him your thong with the bow, I am no longer on your side.
Gave out candy dressed as a porn star...bet you can guess how the mothers kept reacting.
Everyone is in jail. I'll see what i can do though
I swear she hasnt shaved since the last time we hooked up 5 months ago
When we do our power hour over Skype I'm just going to sit on the toilet so that way I won't have to get up in the middle of it and miss any shots
Holy shit he's circumcised. His parents must have really loved him.
He wanted to have sex in a church because he has keys to it from court-ordered community service. WHAT IS STANDARDS?
URGENT INPUT I'm at a renesance fair after party and I'm 100% lined up to fuck their sword swallower OR their contortionist. Dont say both - which direction doth I roll?
Just walked in on him banging another girl. He told me " sorry but I'm gonna finish now that I'm caught" ...... I think this is the reason god gave me four older brothers....
Current status: Finding an unwrapped portion of Subway sandwich in my purse at the pharmacy counter & picking pieces of tomato off my wallet while the pharmacist watches disdainfully.
Did you offer her some?
If only. Current status: Not that clever.
He's only giving you free adderall so you can focus on his dick.
Damn it. Can't order pizza. Can't do the hot tub. No one to invite over for loud, kinky sex. What's the point of being here alone?!
Does she know she is talking to people who slam shots of fireball and chase it with vodka?
Honestly, if you don't have a lawsuit pending against you by this time tomorrow, I'll be impressed.
I should have known it wouldn’t work. Someone saved in her phone as “Subway Sex” called the week before the wedding
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