You're my little dorito
you got kicked out last night because right after you said "whats up?" to us, you downed your whole vodka ton and threw it across the bar.
I told him that he is like a snow storm I never know when he is coming, how many inches I will get, or how long it will last
cab driver says "I saw your friend who opens her legs. she went home with two guys." pretty sure he was talking about you
You can't use the, "think about your future" line when trying to convince me to save some weed for tomorrow.
Sophomore year, I fucked on your desk chair. I'm sorry. I love you.
answered a 6 am booty call this morning...you were still in the er so I thought what the hell
Priorities: waking up on your doorstep desperately clutching half a meatball marinara but with no sign of your keys, purse or housemate. Where are you?!
I got punched in the face by a Cowboy last night. Then he bought me a beer cause o convinced security not to kick him out the bar. Start of a fairytale love story? I think so.
I started scrolling back in our texts looking for context and a picture of your dick rose like the Great Pumpkin in the middle of my screen.
just found out that she named her cat after me.
Check 'smoke weed with our ihop waiter' off of our To-Do List
Flacco has been sacked like 7 times. His name also auto corrects to Flaccid. That's so sad
I wonder how drunk we can get before Christmas Caroling turns into trespassing.
I have serious attachment issues. I just realized how long its been since ive smoked out of my bong and I feel guilty for dis owning it this week
Randomize
