I just had a girl text me from knoxville "come see me. we'll go for drinks and I can make you breakfast"
how do you like your eggs?
over tits
I decided that just having that story under my belt and being able to tell it to my grandchildren is worth the regrets of the evening.
I am scared. I picture you doing a keg stand on a sinking ship with hula girls cheering you on. Please text me when you get back to shore...or now would be good
The vomit I understand but how is there seaweed in my bed?
I rarely go in there. Unless it's for mini cadbury eggs and whiskey.
Sorry you called when I was puking in a cheetos bag
I didn't just randomly come up with it. But if you want to give me extra credit for creativity I have a bare chest and chocolate sauce left
We are in Florida for 3 days. The people in charge of shit brought: a waffle maker, a cheese grater and a SEWING MACHINE
AND NO VODKA
Literally sucked a dick for ten seconds before I said to myself, this tiny ass penis isn't worth it. My night last night
Learn from my mistakes. DO NOT try to steam a garment of clothing while you are wearing it. The burn is not worth the de-wrinkle.
The worst thing about buying this extremely comfortable bed is that once I get a girl into it, all she wants to do is sleep. I want my fucking money back.
Your friend was nice but you didn't have to bang her in my kitchen...just sayin.
Our orgasm ration was 1:45. No. Fucking. Joke. I thought I was going to die.
Taking one of the loudest shits ever at work and I have to say...I'm having a better time than I thought I would
These girls next to us are doing shots called bath salts. Sadly this is the classiest bar I've been to since i moved to PA
Randomize
