Oh My! A car just drove by me a splashed me with a wave of water. I am drenched and soaking wet!
I am sorry--all I heard is that you are wet.
What can i say im a girl who smells like weiners.
Oh my god it just tripped me out that I used to be a baby, I had to tell you.
until you tell me otherwise ill assume we're playing "cavity search" the homeland security game to spice up our sex life
It's almost like sex with her has gotten boring... like it's still good, but the creativity is lacking... it's times like these that i wish she still wanted me to gag her
The waitress bought us a round. She said if anyone could do 52 margarita mondays in a row, it was us.
She's walking around topless with a bottle of red wine, crying and singing showtune ballads. This is actually an improvement.
Printing the vagina inspector badge was money well spent.
She thought that based on the way she feels that she got drugged last night, but come on, her turn on word is hello, who needs to drug that??
I got eye-fucked by an 80 year old man wearing a cowboy hat while I was singing country. How do you think karaoke went?
It's Been clinically proven that people who have sex 6 or more times per week are happier than those who don't. Just and FYI. For your mental health. From a soon so be psychologist. Who is drunk.
We need a hype man... Like a DMX type dude to just up the ante constantly...
My whole life is a joke
Yeah. I’m starting to see why you drink so much.
the cop found his r2d2 bong and asked me if i ever smoked out of him. i'm like, no sir. he's like ahh. if i were to smoke, it'd definitely be out of some star wars character.
easily made my night.
Crazy homeless man drinking beer out of a vitamin water container on the bus just set me up on a date with the yuppie next to him
Randomize
