did you ever find your cell phone? and your dignity?
I can mark tailgating, going to the game and getting road head off my to do list today
He's so gross, but the preschooler inside me is screaming that this is her life dream and I have to be with him or she'll never forgive me.
Im eating the cereal I found in my pocket and drinking wine out of the bottle.
We're on a cock hunt. Everything is fair game.
I wish you'd make everyone's lives easier and do him already. Then we can get rid of him.
I'm mad at him and disappointed with you. It's like I put a bunch of effort into a PowerPoint of "what not to do with Zach" to show you and the first bullet point was "do not love him" and you're just disregarding all my effort and friendship.
I have to make mistakes myself to learn from them
FUCK YOU I AM MAKING A POWERPOINT
The Supreme Court upheld health insurance. If that's not an excuse to get hospital drunk, I don't know what is.
The only pictures I have are of me being stoned or me looking like a man, which do you prefer?
Whenever I think to myself, "I don't work for a bunch of hours"... It's shot time?
we need to invent and abuse teleportation
I've finally done it. I finally achieved my lifelong goal of becoming that awkward lesbian in high school who went on to have sex with more women than any of her male classmates.
Hey, thanks for helping me this morning
Always a pleasure to feed you bread as your body lay crumpled on the floor.
I remember turning to Jon after doing a line of coke and saying "I was a Girl Scout"
so we’ve decided to fuck for our own health
Randomize
