watching a depressing episode of spongebob while high is the most depressing thing i have ever experienced
Dude this girl just said she'd take me to pleasure town while giving me head
Will Ferrell is probably jerking himself off somewhere wishing he was you
NC is no longer selling 190 proof Everclear. We are officially no longer the greatest state.
Give me the approximate price and I'll give you the equivalence in blowjobs.
he keeps trying to sext me and all I can do is respond with descriptions of what im eating.
If I ever mention marriage force me to Brazil to do coke and strippers until I die.
Last time I went to flagstaff I threw up in my beard. I would very much like to recreate that moment.
Oh shut up man. Once the police get involved its every man for themself.
Her boyfriend caught us fucking and said "cool you're cheating too" and left.
You live a charmed life.
I wasn't an ass in college so much more like I showed my ass a lot especially during serious beerpong games. You know I don't fuck around when it comes to sports.
Please tell me last night did not happen and there is another reason why my phone smells like ranch sauce ahahah
What part of drinking with my mom makes you think i'd get naked
All of it
Haha, maybe if he wasn't dressed up like Kimmy Gibler he could give her the D
Can my mom come with to the bar? Prince just died and I feel like I need to take her out to cheer her up.
Punched myself in the face trying to open a bottle of Vicodin one handed. Night is going well.
Randomize
