if i get killed by an online date, its your job to tell my parents that we met at church
Tell Heather sorry for burning her hair. Also for anything else that I may have done that warrants and apology. Anything after about 10pm is kind of hazy.
I think I sharted a yagerbomb.
well it doesn't count as a walk of shame if he drops you off at your class in his golf cart
once my pubes got caught on her snaggletooth it was all downhill from there
I had a terrible day! The only thing that makes me feel better is knowing Jack Bauers day was worse.
One of my preschool students told me today that it's not pollution that makes the water in lakes unclean. It's the hobos. I was absolutely speechless. And just so proud.
he said that weed should be legal but that particular bong shouldn't be. i stared at a clock for an hour and a half after i ripped. so logically, i completely agree.
we got hammered off table wine and i ended up biting my acrylic nail off so i could finger his butt.. ill never look at valentines day the same
I'm at about main and main street
You were sitting in the tub, clothed, squirting my KY all over yourself. You said "it's warm." then passed out.
I am 48% hangover, 48% bruises and 2% fingers I'm texting with.
Would it be sad if I made a blanket fort to get drunk in till the power came back?
Just let me suck your dick and be happy. Let me have this.
Congratulations you now have a pet Scotsman.
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