I never thought I'd hear the words "aww you pulled out" and "you're so sweet" in the same sentence.
I have a drinking game planned. Were gunna watch empire records. Everytime they say rex manning we have to take a shot
I trust that you have thought of something completely illegal for us to do this weekend.
forgot a fork. i am eating fettucini alfredo with a comb that i rinsed off the the bathroom sink. eating alone in my car. life doesn't get any sadder than this
I just bedazzled my weight watchers points calculator. You can tell I'm gay.
I think the world is coming to an end. Earthquakes, huricanes, floods, and now you say you LOVE him. Im building a shelter and going into hiding.
As usual, I had to fight him for his car keys. Though this time he made it to the valet garage. All the Hispanic attendants gathered around and watched. Felt like I was in a cock fight.
I had to drink a couple beers this morning so I could attend the keg race. Hangover had to dissipate or it wasn't happening.
you want a dog just so you can strap a barrel of hot chocolate around its neck?
Volunteering at a homeless shelter a bum asked if he could lick me cause I still reeked of whiskey. Being a bumsickle=epic hangover
I felt like in order for him to make it to mordor and destroy the ring, he'd have to make sweet sweet love to me in some form of hut or cave.
I know it's like I wanna bring somebody fun who I haven't drunkenly expressed my feelings for. Or hooked up with. It's a struggle.
Have you ever looked death in the face and have the urge to shit yourself. I'm in that situation right now.
He's such a neat freak that he started making the bed while I was still laying on it naked. He succeed in case you were wondering.
tell him if he brings over dinner you might let him see your left boob...or right, whichever you prefer. But under no circumstances do you let him see both...unless he brings a good desert...like coffee ice cream or something
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