she said "can't you just pull out and cum on my face? I hate scooping jizz out of my vag".
I'm assuming you texted me by mistake. you're not jizzing in or on me again, thanks for playing, douchebag.
just friend requested my arresting officer from last night. too soon??
i'm pretty sure the only people calling it "sexting" are ones who don't actually do it
I'm going to make a mold of my tits to bake a cake for him for our anniversary.. I can see the pride in his eyes now.
my heaven will be filled with hot naked men covered in chick-fil-a sauce and me wearing a bib
Um of course I blew him. He brought me a shamrock shake. It was two o’clock in the morning on St. Patrick’s Day. There was no smoother move basically. He totally earned that head.
Did you shave a certain someone in his sleep last night?
like i literally can feel my uterus getting frustrated at me for not being pregnant.
i keep replaying things i did last night. and remembering new things. and its a constant cycle of torture
I haven't seen her in probably 3 months and when she showed up wasted to my house she promptly pulled out her tit
Pennsylvania now holds the distinct honor of being the third state I've crapped my pants in.
Is it customary to send a 'thank you card'to someone who gave you awesome oral as a gift at your housewarming party?
Let's just wait to see what happens before we start making radical plans and starting fires
Definitely woke up.this morning to a random girls head in my toilet and her mom knocking on my door.
well you did quote socrates while playing beer pong and then proceeded to fall down
Randomize
