i woke up surrounded by junior mints. not to mention, there was a huge pyramid of natty cans baracading the door shut. this is why i can't drink alone.
she definitely blew him on the riverbank, some lady floated past and said "have some pride honey", amazingly awkward
I want Paula Dean to narrate shark week next year
I feel like after all he sees, the dog needs to get baptized.
I got used. This is the happiest day of my life. I was just a huge cock and that is all she needed.
If your wondering where your blanket is, I put it on the 2 guys you brought home last night. Their still sleeping outside on the trampoline.
I mean, we do coke and have sex occasionally...I wouldn't call that a relationship.
Bunch of Navy warships just sailed into New York Harbor for Fleet Week. Nobodys getting laid this weekend.
Mother fucker, I knew it was bad when you tried making out with my car window
apparently I stole your wolf lighter. probably bc you made me howl while you puked over your deck railing.
Who put the meatball sub on my door handle?
It's one PM on a Saturday and I'm sitting here drinking Jack, eating a block of cheese and playing Minecraft. Please tell me you can come drag me to a bar.
I've made a new rule for socializing in the winter: if it doesn't involve me orgasming or getting drunk I can't make it
If by fun you mean, did I meet her cousin for the.first time and bang him, then yes it was a productive evening.
Is it acceptable to respond to a declaration of love with 'and I love your dick'? Asking for a friend who shares a name and possibly a phone number with me. Entirely coincidental.
Randomize