I just googled how to quit your job and cause a big uproar at the same time....i tell you how tomorrow goes, i'm so excited....
He asked me how my body knew that a month was up when it was time for my period.
I got to stop making out with my boss at work. I think we should just get it overwith, be dissaponted and move on.
Just found out I slapped a vegan in the face with meat last night.
it was like he was trying to blow his nose in my vagina
I wore a firefighters hat and drank beer all night. They had to drive me home after breaking the beer pong table, they told me I was welcome back tonight though...
I'm never waking up next to someone after sex again. It's alllll downhill from there.
He said it. He actually said "yes it's in".
I thought he put a fake swan in my yard, but no, he put a real life swan in my yard
So apparently after I spilled candle wax down the front of my pants, I went to the store, bought condoms, and passed them out to everyone at the bar.
I thought they were lying to me about the condoms, until I found the receipt in my pocket.
Who are you to come into MY house and tell me when I can or cannot take my pants off?
The Royals are in the World Series. I've never drank so much in one week in my life.
I just gave him road head. He came in the Taco Bell drive thru which seems pretty typical for my life.
Thanks for reminding me of all the hookups my brain has been trying to suppress...
That's what friends are foooooooor!
I need something that says "I'm gay sometimes but I feel scorned by my straight, non-committal lover, so I'm here to get drunk and make out, and possibly end up in a bathroom with someone who's name I won't remember tomorrow"
Randomize
