Holy shit! This guy had his hands and feet handcuffed and was scooting across the interstate and we almost hit him because it was so dark. I hate Louisiana.
I went to check the drunk texts i sent last night but my phone deleted them already. Even my phone is ashamed.
FUCK YOU CALIFORNIA. YOU DO NOTHING RIGHT. FIRST PROP 8 AND NOW THIS.
There is a limo involved. Man up, and make yourself puke. Its only one more night of blacking out.
I walked from the hotel to the club with a pint of tequila in my boot. Poured some in a homeless woman's mouth when she asked for change. I've hit rock bottom.
I swear god is testing me by giving me awesome guys with tiny penises
I thought i lost my bra, but when i went back to help clean it was hanging up on the wall
Fuck. I have to get my shit together by lunch. Mission impossible.
I'm taking a pole dancing class this morning. Can I put you down as my emergency contact? I'm NOT putting my mother
I will most likely miss you the least and fondly remember you as Mr. "I need a minute" but really need 24 hours and 4 extra inches.
It's one of those "I can't stand you but we're stuck in the same hotel room tonight so let's fuck until one of us passes out" kind of nights.
Let’s try it, I’ve never had a bad time with sex, tacos and beer.
When the nurses wouldn't let him smoke in the hospital he decided to just roll around on the floor.
Why did I wake up with a half-eaten burrito and a vaccuum cleaner in my bed? ...on top of me.
I came home and drank a bottle of wine in the bathtub. I have AMAZING coping skills!!
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