i think the world will end when pigs can fly. think about it, everyone says blah blah when pigs fly. so shit would be going down if they ever can.
oh fuck your right
i just got offered coke by a strung out pilot. my night just got a lot more interesting.
my breakfast just consisted of gushers (made with real fruit!) and they're trying to tell me im not eating right?
Listen, i'm watching playoff hockey and eating waffles. i just don't have time for your drama today.
she was wide awake when they drew a treasure map on her face the she passed out and they played like 7 games of tic tac toe haaa how was your new years
He calls it "his noble steed" and i plan to ride it.
Crazy how fast a room full of drunk teenagers sober up when someone breaks his parents' new flat screen
I just made cupcakes.... Vodka icing. Results in the morning.
I walk in and my roomie is fucking her bf while wearing lingerie and minnie mouse ears. Right in the childhood.
Those tiny little fruit fly looking mofos. They fly past the phone and I grabbed them like Daniel-San
WHY IS THE HAIRSPRAY SOUNDTRACK PLAYING IN THE LIQUOR STORE
All I have are vague memories of us eating ham?
Not as great as when your drunk mom grabbed my junk, but better than when your sober grandma sacktapped me and grabbed my butt.
I just did a bump with my mom so I’d sober up for Black Friday shopping
Apparently I called down to the hotel front desk and begged them to bring us pizza. They brought us tea.
Randomize