Wow, your whole life is a joke regardless of the fact that its april fools day
I just found a dead bug in my nose. if that's the worst thing up there im considdering myself lucky.
Just met a guy who has been in college for 7 years and still classified as a junior. Then watched him shotgun 10 beers. Found my new hero
i carry sandwiches in my pockets more than any normal person should
i kept telling her phones are not food, and she countinued to put it in her mouth..
I passed out and woke up with my pockets full of Lucky Charms cereal and chocolate coins. Another successful St Pattys Day.
After the tests come back negative, you guys will look back on this evening with fond memories...
Just finished off a roll of paper towels. Celebration blunt?
I don't understand but I'll be there in 5
I think I'm still drunk and I think you were in my dream (sadly, it was not a sexual bill murray one).
its so sad we are done celebrating 21st bdays everytime one of us turned 21 everyone else got laid
You know it's a good weekend when you wake up on Sunday questioning your sexuality.
Are we gonna talk about that cunnilingus snap
I've turned into a small time drug dealer, now who's the real MVP.
Do you think telling guys I'm majoring in magic is a good pickup line?
I'm going to use this quarantine time to improve my blowjob skills.
Randomize
