I might be drunk enough to make out with you. You don't want to miss this unique opportunity.
just accidentally masturbated with tiger balm. best. accident. ever.
she came to the game with a camelback filled with booze. except it was only the bag part so she duct taped to her back
I got kicked out of a mexican restaurant last night for being too drunk. This is getting dangerously close to rock bottom
About to go out with the girl of my dreams tonight. I am looking at one of her hottest fb pics, to practice not looking at her huge tits.
I can't! Its just like the night that I bathed you, I didn't tell anyone.
trust me. coming from a bonafide dirtbag, this dude is up to shady shit
Just wanted to say a big ole FUCK YOU for coming out to mom the day before I have to drive with her for 6 hours. Ass hat.
so when he he finally wandered back into the room it was with a pound of cream cheese which he ate in 5 minutes flat and then passed out
new district manager is here. you need to come in early
5th mimosa says otherwise
Do I need to call and sing lullabies? Because that's creepy, but I'm a really good friend.
YOU TOOK A FUCKING SNAP OF ME TRYING TO PEE! I'M GOING TO FUCK YOU WITH THE BUSINESS END OF A RUTED RAKE!
Why does everyone always assume I'm fucking their boyfriends?
You are fucking her boyfriend.
I'm just hitting the tip of the iceberg on accents for this trip...so basically my panties are done for.
Idk I saw a cheetah print onesie and it reminded me of your Lion King fantasy.
Randomize
