I just blew up the bathroom at work and now I feel like a new woman
on a scale of one to ten, how awkward would it i told him i had to go change my tampon and then left?
11
drunk taco night MLK would want it this way.
If you try to operate on me with a Bic pen and vodka, I'm never talking to you again
You cant carve pumpkins without vodka. It's a Halloween tradition.
I'll have my hookups make my March Madness picks. Win my bracket, win my heart. That's how it works right?
These are your "grown up" slampiece's new hours of operation; please plan accordingly
Can't decide if I want to watch full house or the fleet wood Mac concert during the presidential debate.
No later than 4:00 ok - I'm tying my viagra high into a superbowl halftime showstopper. Ya, you might wanna look away for that
I'm so incredibly high right now the fact I am texting is nothing short of miraculous. Call the Pope. Hell make me Saint Roy, patron of stoners.
We did Irish Car Bombs out of butter trays, the influence of the retired community is astounding- I didn't know people even owned more than one butter tray.
So how do I get back in good graces for trying to trade you for superbowl tickets?
I think someone is dead in a car across the street
Scratch that, dude's getting a blow job
11:30pm - Shots together. 12:15pm Shots together. 12:45pm Shots together. 9:30am Plan B's together.
remind me again why we thought drinking hungarian moonshine was a good idea
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